Friday, October 21, 2005

Pregancy abounds*

* but only elsewhere.

I currently have not 1 but 2 SILs. Fantastic. Now of course I'm very happy for them, blah blah bah, I'm just very sad for myself. I know for a fact that both couples started trying way after us. This is a well covered topic in IF blogland. Suffice it to say, I want to stick my head in the sand and don't want to hear about it. Seeing either of them makes me want to burst into tears. Which is horrible, because I don't like to show such strong emotion in public.

I have a third SIL, who is not pregnant or wasn't the last time we met. We're not very close, but that's because we live in different places and lead different lives. Same with the other in-laws.

Almost two years ago, SIL#3 announced that she and her husband were going to TTC that year. I was absolutely stunned at this announcement. We had made the same decision at that time, but weren't about to inform our family. I didn't want to have all these expectations adding pressure. Even then, I was worried things might not be that easy.

So now two years have gone by and nothing has happened for either of us. Of course this has gotten me wondering whether perhaps we're both in the same boat.
Of course, I wouldn't dream of just asking her 'hey, are you perchance IF?'. I don't
ask how the babymaking is going either, because I resent when people ask me that, and have resented it for ages.
Some other family members don't have any qualms about asking though. Particularly expecting BIL#1 feels he's entitled to ask now that he's 'done his bit'. Both SIL#3 and I engage in defensive manoeuvres. I evade by pointing out this is an intrusive and even rude question. DH contributes 'all in good time'. SIL#3 also evades: 'they've realized since that the're enjoying life as it is right now, and have some big project to finish first, and there is still plenty of time'.

Today I called SIL#3, not ready to confess our IF, but to test the waters. Some choice snippets of conversation:
SIL#3: 'So it's just us left that aren't pregnant, or do you have any news?'
Me (OMG, she asked me the question): No news.

Then without any prompting from me, she starts giving me her 'enjoying life - big project - plenty of time' routine. She talks about starting a family and timing for 15 minutes.

SIL#3: But it does annoy me to keep being asked THE question.
Me: tell me about it.
Me: I have a friend going through IVF, and if you'd ask her that question, you'd risk having her burst into tears.*
SIL#3 (flustered): Oh well, of course. Did I miss something, are you ...?
Me: No.

...
SIL#3: And if it turns out we can't have kids, well then that's just the way it is, I'll just continue living my life.
Me (stunned): hm.

She doesn't sound like someone struggling with IF (thank goodness). She sounds like someone annoyed with her nosy family and friends, but at the same time still confidently assuming she is fertile. In other words unbelievably normal.


*Ok, I have a couple of friends going through IVF, but I don't think they burst into tears that easily.

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