Monday, November 28, 2005

There go the waterworks

I don't like to cry. I detest crying in public, I dislike crying on my own in bed. I know it's normal, but I guess it makes me feel weak.

Last week, I was sitting up late talking with my mother. She wanted to know how we were doing. She also wanted me to know she understands just how strong the desire to have children can be, though she has had no experience with IF herself.
Before long, my eyes started filling up. Dreadful.

I can't have a conversation about IF with my mother without crying. Why? I don't cry when I talk about it with my IF friends IRL. And with them I go into much more detail, since they already know what I'm talking about.
I guess it's because I'm picturing my parents with the grand-children we can't give them. They've never asked me about starting a family, but still, I know they would love it.

Lately, I've been thinking again of my plan to inform my in-laws of our struggles. I really, really don't want to cry in front of them. It makes me feel really uncomfortable just to think of it, there go the waterworks again.
So telling them directly to their faces is out of the question. But who ever said I had to put myself through such an ordeal anyway. This is not some sappy movie, this is my life.
I think I will write them a letter explaining our situation. This way, I can give them some hints on how to deal with it/us. I can ask them to spare us a bit and understand if we don't attend all family occasions with enthusiasm (or at all). The message wouldn't get across if I starting choking on my tears after the first sentence. I think I could handle giving them a letter and answering questions after they've read it.

Couldn't DH tell them? In theory he could, I guess. But he doesn't experience IF the same way I do. He doesn't mind too much that two SILs are pregnant, while we're not. So how can I expect him to tell them what I need them to know?

I dropped a hint to my DH about the idea to write it in a letter, but he didn't really like the idea very much. Well, I'm not telling before the new year, so we still have plenty of time to hash it out.

On the ART front, I've finished another 5 days of Clo.mid. My body doesn't seem impressed, my temp only increased a little bit, not the marked spike from last time.
Hope hasn't shown her face yet. I'm not really expecting her any time soon, but it's still early days.



At 29 November, 2005 04:21, Blogger Sparkle said...

Initially I left it to D to talk to his parents about what we were going thru. Now, I chat easily about it with D's mother (she only has D, and went thru 'unexplained' IF for years). I think a letter could be too over whelming for your in-laws. The horrible fact of what we go thru is that it really is v.difficult for anyone to understand what we're feeling unless they've been thru it themselves (yeah, yeah 'walk a mile ..') The emotions are complex, and I know sometimes I just don't even know if I'm justified in what I'm feeling.

At 29 November, 2005 21:21, Blogger Lut C. said...

I guess I shouldn't try to say it all at once. We could tell them we're dealing with IF and remain vague on the details. The questions will come after the first shock wears of.

I just don't know, and should try to put it out of my mind for a while.

At 30 November, 2005 16:17, Blogger Thalia said...

I've also left it to my husband to talk to his parents. They're a lot more private as a family, so I wasn't sure they'd even want to have the conversation with me. We're seeign them next weekend though, and it will be hard for our IVF not to come up, so we'll see what happens.

At 02 December, 2005 02:29, Blogger k #2 said...

It is so hard...

My inlaws didn't know forever, and finally my DH told them over the phone. To be honest, it was much better for him to do by phone because he could end the conversation and wouldn't have to spend the rest of the evening around each other. Parents/inlaws also need time to think about what IF means and their own emotions involved. Hang in there.

At 02 December, 2005 17:07, Blogger ninaB said...

It's not the easiest thing to talk about, with parents or with in-laws. I've had many tearful talks with my mother, but then I feel guilty about it afterwords because she is being so supportive and trying to reassure me, when she's had such a crap year herself going through chemo and radiation. My DH has a good relationship with his mother and she knows about 'the situation' too. She too has been very kind, telling me that everything will be okay. Sometimes it's what I need to hear, and sometimes I think 'how could you possibly understand, you had 6 children'. They all try though to be supportive. They really do.


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