Monday, December 05, 2005

Happy face for the doc

Today was my u/s at Dr. Sunshine's office. I didn't quite go as I expected.
It was another day 15 appointment, and last month that was just after ovulation.
Not so this month. My endometrium is building up nicely though, 10 mm already.
Both right and left side showed a dominant follicle of about 1.2 mm. If they continue developing, ovulation should occur at the end of this week.

The doctor warned me that they might not develop, meaning that the Clo.mid dose would have to be increased. The pessimist in me latched on to this immediately. I asked how I would know how things turned out. If my period takes 3 weeks from today to show up, it was an anovulatory cycle, she said. She didn't offer another u/s and I didn't ask, it isn't exactly fun. I don't think more monitoring would make me feel better, so this is fine. She hadn't really intended to monitor the remaining Clo.mid cycles at all.

Last month I was happy we had found the right dose immediately. Now I'm confused. Is the Clo.mid even working? I ovulate around day 19 on my own, or at least that's what my charts suggest. Or is this just a reminder that I have NO control whatsoever and what I think I know is wrong.

Must stop these negative thought. Repeat to myself 'prognosis is good*, prognosis is good*' (*for ovulation).

I also plucked up the courage to ask dr. Sunshine about Robbi.tussin. I am bad at demanding things from people or confronting them in any way. So this was practice. On the one hand I would like to just leave all the decisions in the hands of the doctor and just trust that it would work. Ignorant bliss. But I just can't let it go. My faith in the medical profession is not super, though I haven't had any horrid experiences myself (knock on wood).

What was I saying? Robi.tussin. This is not on the market in Europe, as far as I know but I found out the active ingredient is Guaifenesin. I suspect it is used in cough syrup here as well. After some googling, I also found a reference to the article that started the rumour that Robi.tussin is beneficial. Some more googling gave me a reprint of the article.

Dr. Sunshine was honest enough to tell me she had never heard of this before, not even during her training at the fertility clinic (I think she said training). I appreciated her honesty. I showed her the original article but she didn't find it very convincing, the study reported only included 40 couples and the results were only moderate. Couples using were specifically excluded from the test group. Anyway, she didn't recommend taking Guaifenesin and I choose to trust her on this.

When I walked out the door, I realised I had done it again. I had put on my happy face for my doctor. Why do I feel the need to do that? Once the act is over, my mood takes an even deeper dive.
Why can't I just tell her this experience is bringing me down? That I don't believe the will work, or anything else for that matter. Am I trying to get her sympathy so she wouldn't be annoyed that I look so much up on the internet? I guess it is just something that will wear off in time.

Do you put on a happy face for the doctor?

Once more 'prognosis is good*, prognosis is good*' (*for ovulation).



At 06 December, 2005 00:02, Blogger Sparkle said...

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At 06 December, 2005 23:48, Blogger Sparkle said...

Clomid isn't for everyone, I guess it'll take a few more cycles to see if it's doing anything for you. Even though I got pregnant, think it was 2nd month (then m/c), it never worked again. I ended up with very long cycles - so maybe the follicles weren't developing? Who knows, but they do say if you have a regular cycle and are ovulating regularly, clomid can be a waste of time.
I don't think you'll ever find a doctor recommending the cough mixture. That's the frustrating part, they don't recommend ANYTHING! What I read was that the clomid thickens your normal cm, so can inhibit sperm actually making it to the egg. Maybe increasing your water intake will counteract this? BTW, D's mother was put on clomid for 2 years without a result in the early 70's ...

At 08 December, 2005 23:22, Blogger Lut C. said...

Thanks for cheering me up.
I'm low on patience. I waited patiently for 18 months before seeking treatment, now I'm very impatient for treatment to work. I regret waiting that long, but it made sense to me at the time.
I have irregular cycles on my own, approximately 10 a year.


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