Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The B-movie that is my life

Remember when I said this yesterday:
Small detail, DH is going out this evening for a new year's dinner with work. I sent him an SMS a text message telling him not to get too drunk or stay out too late. We'll see what happens. Well, at least he's in town.

I stayed up untill 1 in the morning (reading blogs) and then gave up and went to bed. Just as my head hit my pillow, I hear fumbling at our front door. Keys are dropped, more fumbling. Yes, it was DH.

First thing he did was go out to our terrace to smoke a sigarette. Usually he's very quick, but after ten minutes he still hadn't come back in. So I get up reluctantly, to see what on earth he's doing. To my dismay, I see him swaying on a chair, seemingly asleep. Turning on the lights got his attention and he came back in, or more accurately wobbled back in. Stupendously drunk. S.e.x was not an option.

He crashed on our small couch and slept there all night.

I was angry, but there was no point in arguing with a semi-comatose man. Mostly I felt defeated, deflated. That gorgeous follicle was going to waste. Another cycle lost.
If I wanted proof that he's not experiencing IF as I am, well I got it and then some.

I was upset and couldn't sleep. Lucky for me I could work from home the next day, and start a little later. Not-so-DH slept in until noon. That was fine by me as I didn't particularly want to see him right then.

We've talked a bit about this, and he says he's angry with himself too, but I can't forgive him just yet.

I feel this cycle is totally wasted. In reality this is not necessarily so. I knew he was having a boy's night out, so we had s.e.x. the night before. Theoretically that should be enough (every two days etc.) but forgive me if theory doesn't carry much weight with me any more. In theory I should ovulate on day 14 of my cycle and in theory I should have gotten PG within a year of trying.

Bring on the IUI. He doesn't have to be present for those.


At 05 January, 2006 00:13, Blogger April said...

I'm so sorry you're going through such an emotional time with this. It has to be hard.

And yes - it always amazes me to see how differently this affects them as opposed to "us."

At 05 January, 2006 07:05, Blogger LabiaLady said...

I am so sorry. Why can't they understand that it will be another month (at least) before the time is right again. All the waiting just made me want to spit chips... i hope he gets on the same page as you ASAP.

At 05 January, 2006 19:27, Blogger Robber Barren said...

Argh. Just...argh.

At 05 January, 2006 20:17, Anonymous Kath said...

Crap. I'm so sorry about all this stress and frustration. I'm glad all is not lost this cycle -- a day before should really be OK -- but it's signals like that that can make you feel you're carrying this burden all alone. I hope that changes soon. Understatement alert. I mean I hope everything changes for you soon, in the best possible way!

At 05 January, 2006 22:06, Blogger Lut C. said...

Thanks for the support. I'm feeling better.

I guess I've been shielding too much of my real emotions from him. I'm expressing them all on my blog, and I didn't give him the address. He could sniff it out if he wanted to, he's a computer wiz after all.

So I plan to turn on the waterworks more frequently and give daily updates on how far along we are in the 2WW. Maybe I have a calendar lying around somewhere.

And I'm overruling him on the in-laws issue. If they so much as come within a km of THE QUESTION (when are you going to have a baby)
I'm telling them that not everyone just gets what they want.

At 06 January, 2006 00:42, Anonymous Lori said...

I found I was not doing a great job of communicating my emotional status and then when things like what you described would happen I would go nuts. To him it seemed like it was coming from out of the blue.
I hope theory proves accurate this month.

At 06 January, 2006 02:57, Blogger Liz said...

It's unfortunate that they sometimes don't understand. Hoping you got lucky!

At 06 January, 2006 03:22, Blogger Finding My New Normal said...

I'm so sorry. Don't you sometimes wish we women could get pregnant without the man? Wouldn't that make things a lot easier?

At 08 January, 2006 00:21, Blogger Thalia said...

I had the same problem with my husband early on. I don't think it does feel as desparate for them. Because they don't have to, they just don't engage until later in the process.

By the way, my doctor absolutely insists the sex at exactly the right time can actually reduce fertility as couples are concentrating so hard on it they just don't have enough sex and so they miss the right time - all the methods we use to detect fertilisation are a bit inaccurate. Studies show that there is an increased chance of pregnancy with increased frequency of sex throughout the cycle.

Which is why we're all buggered, I guess. I am sorry.

At 08 January, 2006 01:36, Blogger WonderMama said...

I'm sorry. I experienced a similar situation once our twice during our 3yr ttc drama. I was mad at him for days.
You're right, they don't experience it like we do.


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