Sunday, January 15, 2006

Big sigh of relief

The hours leading up to the in-law dinner turned out to be more stressful than the dinner itself.
I had a little meltdown in front of DH. The night before he had hurt me by being so dismissive of my feelings. I asked him if he would be as dismissive of my distress if I had cancer. (I think he would be very upset.)
The waterworks sprung into action, and though I don't like it, it seems that tears are the only thing that impress him of how IF is affecting me.
We discussed some more on what to tell the in-laws. I pleaded that we should tell them we were struggling if anyone asked us The Question directly. He still wasn't too happy about this, but if I thought it would make seeing the in-laws easier, he could live with it. Good enough for me.

Fast forward to the in-law dinner. It went ok. No drama, no big scene. I was a good DIL.
The fact that nephew#1 and his parents were missing for a good chunk of the evening may have contributed to that. I also picked out a spot at the table furthest away from PG SIL#2. From there I could safely not look at her and her bump without being overly rude. I caught myself steeling glances though. Every time I did, a Little Voice Inside My Head (LVIMH) chided me, "don't look, you know it's not good for you". LVIMH gave a running commentary the whole evening. Now I must say PG SIL#2 was as good as gold. She didn't talk about her PG, complain about symptoms or even rub her bump.

I was enjoying dessert (chocolate tiramisu) when BIL#1 and Nephew#1 arrived.

LVIMH: "The evening has gone well so far. Now comes the real test."
Me: This plate of tiramisu is fascinating.
LVIMH: "Try not to look".
Me: He's coming over, wants to wish me a happy new year with customary pecks on the cheek, while holding the baby, more like thrusting it into my face.
LVIMH: "Well, he's moving on now, calm down."
Me: Ahem, and sitting down right in front of me. A two-week-old is so tiny, why can't ...
LVIMH: "Don't go there, not now!"
Me: IF sucks.

Later in the evening, SIL#1 finally arrives. Meanwhile Nephew#1 is being passed arround to MIL, FIL and SIL#3. DH and I are sitting on the couch with BIL#1, the proud father.
BIL#1: "You try to name one other thing that you'd happily get up for several times at night".
Me: Oh no, here comes the sales pitch.
BIL#1:"Being a father is wonderful. You guys have been maried for a while now. When are you guys going to have kids. Don't wait until you're ready, you'll never feel completely ready."
Me: He asked The Question, he asked The Question!
DH: "All in good time".
Me: What? That's our old line. And it clearly doesn't cut it.
Me: "It's not that easy for everyone, you know."
BIL#1: "Huh?"
Me:"Come on, you must know couples that are struggling."
BIL#1 (taken aback): "Oh, why yes of course."

At this time my MIL needs me on the other side of the room, so I leave DH and his brother to their devices.

This performance wasn't great, but ok considering my heart was pounding and my stomach tightening. I didn't spell it out to him, this only qualifies as a hint. I bet he'll still ask me The Question again next time I see him. Oh well, by then I may be able to control my nerves and tell him like it is. It's a start.

No one else heard this little exchange, and since they didn't ask, I didn't tell anyone else. Perhaps next time. The rest of the evening went without incident.

On the cycle front, I estimate that today is 12 DPO. I'm expecting my period in two days. The tension is mounting, I can tell you that.

Please go and visit PI Jill, who has been dealt a bad card and faces a worrysome time.


At 16 January, 2006 02:21, Blogger Sparkle said...

Good going.
I reckon even if you're only hinting or telling half a truth, you'll start feeling abit more easy.
Fingers crossed for the next 2 days, though it sounds like you've got some symptoms?

At 16 January, 2006 03:18, Blogger Robber Barren said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with BIL and his sales pitches....

At 16 January, 2006 18:06, Anonymous Kath said...

I'm very proud of you. You did great!

At 17 January, 2006 01:41, Anonymous Lori said...

Sounds like you did great! As for BIL - maybe the dropped clue will do the trick he will keep quiet now. And so glad SIL #2 wasn't preening.
And I'll certainly be hoping the next few days brings the kind of news that will make future IL encounters much less stressful!

At 17 January, 2006 04:39, Blogger Beth said...

You handled that very well. We are still pretty much in the closet about our infertility, and we are trying to figure out exactly how we should deal with the inlaws. Sound like you have uber fertile inlaws like myself, which makes it harder as they have no point of reference. Anyways, well done.

At 17 January, 2006 17:15, Anonymous Alexa said...

Well done! It may seem small, but even giving a hint to your family is so hard and a big, important step.
Good luck getting through the next two days...

At 17 January, 2006 17:59, Blogger Liz said...

You handled that very well. You gave him a hint and the seed has been planted.

At 17 January, 2006 18:34, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

good for you. Leave them guessing, it's none of there damn business anyway! Maybe they will think twice the next time they ask you when you are going to have a baby.

At 17 January, 2006 21:29, Blogger Thalia said...

Well done. You'll work up to telling eventually. Let's see if he gets it.

Hoping that this time Hope is on your side.

At 17 January, 2006 21:38, Blogger fisher queen said...

Yes, it's a rude question, but it seems like you handled it really well. Keep it up!

It took my husband about 3 years before he could fully acknowledge how badly I was feeling. A lot of it was because he was in denial over it himself. I think men process this differently, and at a different pace.

At 17 January, 2006 23:11, Anonymous Manuela said...

Good for you! It must be so tough for you to have said nothing up until now... you've got more inner strength than me... I just have to spill it because I just can't keep it to myself. And let me say... if your BIL didn't get it from that hint... well... he's either really thick or overly pushy. Maybe both.


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