Friday, January 13, 2006

Evasive manoeuvres

Hope has got me in her clutches. I thought I was going to escape her this round, but alas.
She's wispering sweet nothings in my ear. Tender nipples? "Third time's a charm", she says. Second slight temperature hike? "BBT is very reliable, you know." The smallest hint of a symptom is definitive evidence if you believe her.
"But no spotting" I retort. "Not everyone has that" she says with a grin.

Have I been behaving hopeful? Well, not really. So far, I've taken antibiotics for a UTI, eaten some camembert made of non-pasteurized milk, had some wine last weekend and have been drinking my regular dose of coffee. And I haven't been taking my folic acid either. So there.
In a twisted way, a little taunting of fate could be considered hopeful behavior, I guess. I just can't win this, can I?

Tomorrow is the in-law family dinner. PG SIL #2 will be there, and I suppose 2 week old nephew will be there too with his proud parents in tow. I'm seriously dreading it and DH doesn't get it. I told him I was feeling stressed out, but he just laughed it off. Thanks a lot. My scowl tipped him off that he made a mistake though. Like I haven't been dreading this for weeks. I've considered feigning the flu, seriously.

Since the first SIL announced her PG, I've been dumbstruck at the in-laws. All my energy is focused on not falling apart, nothing is left for conversation. As I've said before, I can't keep this up forever. Especially since MIL has been jokingly asking me why I don't like to visit with them any more. There are only so many ways to evade that question.

We still haved resolved our discussion on whether to tell the in-laws or not. Giving more explicit hints is on the table though, at least it was a few weeks ago. But I'm not confident I can say something non-committal like "not everyone can just DECIDE to have a child, you know" without bursting into tears.

I am so not going to help DH pick out a gift for the baby. My mother offered to do it for us, so as to spare me, but DH declined. Then it's his problem, I warned him.

I'd better go practicing my meditation routines now.


At 14 January, 2006 04:04, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

fake the flu if you can. I always say I am sick but hubbie knows I am lying. It's all about you right now.
Hope, who would have thought it was a 4 letter word!
I'll be checking to see how you are doing. Let's hope this is your last cycle for all the right reasons.

At 14 January, 2006 14:47, Blogger M said...

If your in-laws are anything like mine (which I don't know how they could be as bad) I wouldn't tell them.
FIL pretty much condemned us to hell for bringing IVF up last Christmas...when we were still FAR away from it....and his sister (mike's aunt) called him on the phone and was chewing him out about how immoral it was.
Not saying that would be the reaction you'd get...but I didn't expect the one I got. lol.

So sorry about another PG sil being there. I know it's rough and I know it takes all your energy into not falling apart.
This IF thing is exhausting.

At 14 January, 2006 18:46, Blogger PI Jill said...

'Accidently' kicking someone under the table has been my first line of defense at family dinners for years. Good luck.

At 14 January, 2006 19:04, Blogger Roma Tekovi said...

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At 14 January, 2006 19:06, Blogger Roma Tekovi said...

I remember once a friend of my husban'd family with a 2-month old was talked into telling me that she was diagnosed as infertile (PCOS, same as me) but was able to conceive anyway. She was talked into giving me hope.

She showed me her baby, preening. When I asked her some basic technical questions she answered she didn't know. I caught her in a lie and confronted her and the the family members at the party. I haven't spoken to the members since.

Sometimes people are ruthless in trying to help. Have you thought of providing friends & family with something like this: Infertility Etiquette By Vita Alligood ( I hope it helps.

Oh, I agree with Jenny - say you have the flu. Don't invite the unnecessary stress. Good luck!

At 14 January, 2006 19:27, Blogger fisher queen said...

The inlaw stuff sucks. I hope you and DH can get on the same page about it. It helps to be working together. In the meantime, here's a trick that sometimes works for me: when confronted with the fact of my brother and SIL's baby, I try to think of things in their lives that I wouldn't want in mine. Usually I can manage to keep perspective that way, if only to get me through. OK, that's my assvice for the day. Good Luck!

At 15 January, 2006 00:00, Anonymous Lori said...

I can totally relate to the taunting of fate/hopeful behavior. I used to do stuff like that all the time.
As far as telling the IL's - we finally did and we're glad. I just can't take all the faking involved in keeping the smile plastered on my face.
And you husband is definitely on his own!
Good luck with the IL's!

At 15 January, 2006 06:22, Blogger Beth said...

I just found your blog tonight on my quest to find some others who are close to where I am on the IF rollercoaster.

I'm all for feigning the flu...I will be employing some derivation of that strategy next Saturday to avoid yet another baby shower. Besides, I have an appt with the RE that day - from the RE to the baby shower, not going to happen.

At 15 January, 2006 12:58, Anonymous Kath said...

Oh, yuck. I so sympathize... Having people in the family to *have to* be happy for is a bit too much sometimes. Do you think maybe your DH could be persuaded to drop hints to his family one of these days, so you didn't have to do it? Knowing at least a bit of what you're going through might make them a tad more sensitive.

At 15 January, 2006 14:47, Blogger Ladybug Ann said...

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At 15 January, 2006 14:48, Blogger Ladybug Ann said...

I just found your blog via "Prop your hips up". I lost my virginity to the dildocam last November and now going in to a second cycle of IUI insanity.

Thanks for starting the list. I've been trying to look for blogs of women who are relatively newbies to IF treatments.

At 15 January, 2006 15:14, Anonymous Alexa said...

I generally "have to work that saturday" when faced with that sort of situation. Of course, this probably guarantees that the In-laws think the reason I can't have kids is that I am a cold-hearted career woman...
And, yes, let your husband buy the present if it's so important to him!
p.s. I SO know what you mean with the little "tempting fate" things--I used to do that all the time. I hope this is it for you.


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