Thursday, February 09, 2006

Out of office

I could tell you how erratic my temp curve has been this past 2 weeks, or describe the quality of my CM at present. But that's either boring or TMI, or both.

I will tell you I've been hoarding warm clothes for me and dh for the past weeks. Winter socks, long underwear, warm T-shirts, new gloves, windtight jacket, snowproof footwear.... No, I'm not going skiing, I'm going to the land of maple syrup*. Mmmmm, maple syrup. We leave next week.

First we're spending a week in Mont Royal (due to to horrible French accent developed over the last 200 years by the Québécois, that became ).

After that we're going even further, to what is according to some the sushi capital of the world. No, not Tokio, but !

That means I'll probably disappear for a while. I don't know if I will have internet access. Or whether dh will let me use it long enough to check in on you. We might be otherwise engaged, if you catch my drift.

* Canada.


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Eat more fish!

Last Friday, I met for lunch with Elizabeth* a friend of mine from college . I see her a couple of times a year. I hadn't told her about our little problem before, mainly because I wasn't ready to tell. She's single, and I feared that she would 'like to have my problems', if you know what I mean.

I changed my mind about talking about our IF to her, because frankly, if I didn't what else was I going to talk about? Conversation had become exceedingly sparse the last time we met.

I told her I had been to the hospital, which is why I couldn't meet her on Wednesday as she had suggested. Then, while toying with my food, I told her we were trying to find out why we can't seem to have children.

Now, I consider Elizabeth a sensible women, but I must have really startled her with this news. WIthin 10 minutes, she had spouted no less than 3 classic blunders.

Elizabeth: "It must be all the stress you're under".
Me: "No, that's a myth. There are lots of myths about IF".

Elizabeth:"Well, adoption is always an option".
Me: "Hm, that's rather complicated." (At least it was the variant without 'just').

Elizabeth:"What about in vitro insemination".
Me:"You mean fertilization. That's a very taxing treatment, both physically and mentally. The doctors like to try less invasive treatments first. And IVF isn't a sure thing either. "

3 classic comments, but then she came up with this:

Elizabeth: "Perhaps you should eat more fish!"
Me: "???" (Fish!)

Now that I think about it, this one is a classic in disguise. You'd be fertile if you ate right.

I wasn't pleased with this conversation, but everything she said was a clumsy attempt at expressing concern and offering help. I would have gotten upset if I hadn't been so well prepared for this by my IF comrades.

I told her that the hardest thing to deal with right now is the feelings of depression. She advised me to see a psychologist, that it had worked wonders for her.
Seeing a therapist is far from commonplace in my corner of the world. I seized the opportunity to ask her about it, how had she found her therapist, how often did she go, what does it cost... I've considered going to a psychologist for help, but I'm reluctant.

I'm still not convinced. I would have to pretty confident that it's someone who is familiar with IF patients. Cluelessness is ok, but I'm not going to spend my money and time to educate a psychologist on the psychological pitfalls of IF. But maybe I'm just being ignorant, I'd be happy to hear of your experiences.

On the cycle front, today is day 1 of another 2ww, if I can believe the temperature hike I saw this morning. I feel ambivalent about this cycle working. I've switched to decaf today but have had a drink this evening anyway. Inconsistent, me? I've been here before, and will be here again.

* Name changed to protect the innocent.

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

X-ray vision

The HSG is over and done with. Everything went well.

First I had to go to the clinic for a PG test. Dr. Sunshine had warned me about this. It didn't bother me, it's a good precaution I suppose. The nurse was very nice about it, almost apologetic. After the test, I was off to radiology.

For those just tuning in, dr. Sunshine - my ob/gyn - couldn't do the HSG herself, since she's PG. She asked her colleague, dr. A, to do it for her.

So now I've had the pleasure of meeting dr. A for the first time, while sitting on an X-ray table bare from the waist down. Fabulous.
He explained the procedure to me quickly and then got cracking.

The procedure wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't more than uncomfortable. No searing pain or heavy cramping, so I was fortunate. Perhaps it was the pain killer I had taken beforhand, or the breathing exercise I was doing, and I suppose the doctor's experience and skill had something to do with it. Probably a little of all three.

I could see the monitor all the while, which was good. The dye spilled out into my abdomen immediately, so my tubes are open. After a couple of snapshots were taken, the doctor took the time to review them quickly with me on the screen. He told me I have a heartshaped uterus (arcuate) because there is a slight dent or bulge at the top. He assured me that this should not pose any problems to getting pregnant. I doesn't look like I have a septum or bicornute uterus. A quick tour in Google indicates the same.

Afterwards I asked the dr. if it was safe to TTC this cycle, he said it was.
We also discussed briefly dr. Sunshine's current treatment plan: continue Clo.mid for another two cycles after this one. He thought this was a good plan, but also told me to come see him if it didn't work out.

I had been planning to schedule an appointment with him within the next couple of weeks, and perhaps push for injectibles or IUI. But when I spoke with him, I didn't have the courage to bring it up. His endorsement of dr. Sunshine's treatment makes me feel a lot better about sticking with it. It's an illusion that I can speed up my treatment much more. I've already saved some time by doing the HSG now. And if I think about it, 2,5 cycles isn't THAT long to wait.

Over all, I was very satisfied with the way this procedure went. Especially when they gave me a sanitary napkin afterwards, how thoughtful! Dr. Albatros was very nice today, which is a weight off my mind. I don't feel the need to go in search of yet another doctor.

I know a number of women have gotten PG right after an HSG, but I don't want to get my hopes up. This morning, I observed some EWCM, so it's entirely possible that O is already over. That would mean that this cycle is literally flushed and my egg is bouncing around in my abdomen somewhere. More likely, O will happen in the following days.
S.ex doesn't sound too appealing right now. For one, there's pink colored dye coming out of me. The bright red accompanying it is blood I guess. There goes my lining.
However reasonable I may look at it now, I bet hope will creep in by the time this cycle draws to a close.

Unless I'm missing something, these results also mean we're still clueless as to what is the cause of our IF. I didn't expect to find the answer with this test, so this doesn't really trouble me. The prospect of waiting some more is less appealing, but I'll just have to deal with it.