Thursday, June 22, 2006

Pin cushion

I believe I'm getting worse at self-injecting and not better with experience. Perhaps I'm losing my nerve.
The first round, everything went fine. Now, it's as if the needles aren't as sharp any more. The needle make a dent, but doesn't go in, or just barely breaks the skin. And when I do get in, it hurts. For the first time, I numbed my skin, and I still couldn't get the needle in. I look like a pin cushion.

I'm a bit nervous for tomorrow. What if there's nothing there?

Meanwhile, a worry has settled into the back of my mind. If IUI/inj doesn't work, like 6 times Cl0mid didn't and 18 months of trying on our own didn't, doesn't that mean Something Serious (TM) is wrong? Something that can't be fixed. I try not to think about it, but the thought is nagging me.

Where did I get this idea?
- I'm a worrier, it came naturally.

Is this idea contributing to my stress?
- Yes, duh.

Is it true?
- IUI's just have a low success rate. This doesn't predict outcome with more advanced treatment.

What idea is there to replace it with?
- Let's take it one step at a time. IUI might work. IVF might work.

Don't mind me, just practicing my cognitive restructuring, to break those nasty negative thought loops.

According to some experts (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5098454.stm) that's all it takes to get PG anyway. Thanks Oro for pointing this gem out ( http://birchandmaple.blogs.com/birch_and_maple/). More research is good, there are way too much unknowns in the reproductive process, but hearing that it's a) all my fault for being overweight and b) all in my head REALLY relieves my stress. NOT!!! And isn't it rather inconsistent to say that it's due to being overweight AND just in my head? Which is it?

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6 Comments:

At 23 June, 2006 02:30, Blogger sube said...

Yep, I went through a period of crisis about my shot-giving skills during my first cycle. The self-doubt just makes it worse. Have confidence, try not to think about it too much and just do it. You've got the skills, girl!

 
At 23 June, 2006 02:57, Blogger Sarah said...

After 6 years on the IF treatment train I can tell you that just because one option does not work for you doesn't mean that another one will not. All you can do it try out your options and see what happens.
I had the needle issue too. I honestly think that those needles do get duller with each cycle!

 
At 23 June, 2006 05:33, Anonymous Manuela said...

Hmmm... the shots. Are you poking as confidently as before? Perhaps you are being more gentle than before? Therefore not breaking the skin as readily?

OR... are you making sure you are pinching a small enough area of flesh so that the skin is really taut... because I found that if the skin wasn't really stretched, that I had a harder time puncturing the skin.

I dunno... just a thought.

 
At 23 June, 2006 15:17, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Be confident with your jabbing as more tentative tries will be just damaging your confidence and giving you bruises. I liked to do it on the slant rather than straight in and like Manuela says, pinch the skin so you have a firm area. One of the benefits of being slightly fluffy is more skin to pinch ;)

Did they increase your dosage this time round or keep it the same as last time? You responded normally last time so no reason to worry this time around.

 
At 23 June, 2006 18:48, Blogger Angie said...

I know, I read that article.. URGH! I'm really hoping that things work out for you. You can do these injections, you can, you can!

 
At 25 June, 2006 14:00, Blogger ms. c said...

I'm sorry, that arcticle made me want to puke (thanks for the link- haha!!) I certainly would categorize myself as a perfectionist, but really REALLY don't think my non-ovulation could be "fixed" with therapy. Give me a break.
As for the injections- you can do it! And ya, it islways one step at a time.
Thhinking of you.
(Oh, and thanks for visiting me!)

 

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