Tuesday, July 11, 2006

17 of 20, take 2

The results are in: BFN.

My HCG value was 0. It can't get much more negative than that.

I'm very disappointend again, but still not crushed. I feel numb.

Why can't I say to hell with it, and go for childfree living? Why can't I give up on the bio route and adopt?
These are knee-jerk reactions of course. If anyone else would dare ask me those questions, they'd risk a slapping. But right after a negative, that is what I ask myself. HOW MUCH LONGER? HOW MUCH MORE?

You may remember that my doc is on holiday until next week. So at our last meeting I discussed with him how I should proceed in case of another BFN. I have his leave to start stimming again right away, well after my period starts. He did insist that he wanted to see me on CD6, which should work if my period takes another couple of days to show up (now I bet it'll show up immediately just to ruin my plans).
I don't really see why CD6 is so important. What's wrong with CD8? If there are no follicles, then the cycle is a bust. If there are too many, the cycle is a bust. But we'll still know in plenty of time. If I've been stimming, he might as well take a look at what's cooking.

My plan is to do this next IUI cycle, then request a consultation after the next beta to discuss options. How many more IUIs, change of protocol, which hoops to jump before IVF, ... I suppose there is a waiting period before we can start IVF, if we make 'reservations' ahead of time, we might fit in another IUI and/or a break while we wait.
Of course I expect these plans to get messed up in no time, but that's par for the course.

So much for the great conception story. NEXT!

Labels:

25 Comments:

At 11 July, 2006 22:35, Blogger Angie said...

OH Lut, I am so sorry. I was really hoping this was it! I am glad to hear that you're not crushed over it, but please do take some time and reflect, cry, eat a lot of ice cream!
My thoughts are with you!
Big HUGS!

 
At 11 July, 2006 23:06, Blogger projgen said...

I'm so sorry, Lut. I know there's just nothing to say to make you feel better, but know we're all thinking of you.

 
At 11 July, 2006 23:24, Blogger Thalia said...

so sorry to hear about the BFN. It just always always sucks.

 
At 12 July, 2006 00:13, Blogger EJW said...

Well that blows. I'm sorry.

 
At 12 July, 2006 01:40, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so very sorry. You are in my thoughts. Hugs.

 
At 12 July, 2006 05:39, Anonymous Manuela said...

NOOOOO! No, no,no,no, no...

Oh, Lut... no...

 
At 12 July, 2006 06:24, Blogger soralis said...

I am so very very sorry. IF sucks!

Take care of yourself

 
At 12 July, 2006 13:15, Anonymous Meri-ann said...

Oh crap, I'm truly sorry Lut. It's just not freaking fair...
Like you, I can't imagine a child-free life, I suppose we are just stubborn and will do whatever it takes.
Thinking of you

 
At 12 July, 2006 13:46, Blogger InDueTime said...

Hugs Lut. I am so sorry it didn't work. Damn it. I am praying she takes a few days to show up, but not too many so you can get the ball rolling again. Hugs sweetie.

 
At 12 July, 2006 14:16, Blogger Robber Barren said...

I'm so sorry, Lut. This just sucks.

 
At 12 July, 2006 15:09, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

It does not matter how many times it happens...it always sucks. After 6 injection cycles with crap response, I was ready to move on to IVF. But in the end, it comes down to finances and the will to go through it again and again.

 
At 12 July, 2006 15:50, Blogger Bronwyn said...

So sorry about the BFN (especially when it would have been such a great conception story!). You are a real trooper for having the strength to continue with all of the treatments. It goes to show that you certainly have enough patience to be a parent! Thinking positive thoughts for the next cycle. (((Big hug)))

 
At 12 July, 2006 18:58, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Lut, I am so sorry about the negative. How I wish the news were different...

 
At 12 July, 2006 21:29, Blogger ms. c said...

Lut, I'm so sorry to hear about the negative. It's just so shitty. You are in my thoughts.

 
At 13 July, 2006 00:06, Blogger katty said...

I am very sorry about the result. I hope you're ok.

 
At 13 July, 2006 06:29, Blogger Mony said...

Lut.
I am sick for you.
Sick and friggin' tired of the whole mess.

You deserved more. MUCH MORE.

 
At 13 July, 2006 22:31, Blogger ellie said...

Ugh. I am so sorry! Just doesn't seem fair does it? Take the time you need to nuture yourself. If you are going the IVF route- you can proably make the appt and have plenty of time for another round. Took me about a month or so to get in...and then even after that- it was another month or two before we were able to get going with any protocol after all the testing. Wait til you are ok before you make any decisions. I sometimes wonder if we will ever be ok-- I mean just the journey alone has to impact us a bit even if we hit a bfp. Hugs to you.

 
At 13 July, 2006 22:39, Blogger Heather L. said...

I'm sorry for your result. That sucks. :(

 
At 14 July, 2006 00:16, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I'm sorry, Lut. I can relate to how you're feeling right now.

Me too.

 
At 14 July, 2006 16:09, Anonymous Sarah said...

Dear Lut--so sorry that it didn't work out this time. Big hug!

 
At 14 July, 2006 16:10, Blogger Ornery said...

I'm so sorry about the BFN, Lut. It's so f'ing unfair.

 
At 14 July, 2006 17:26, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I am so sorry. This is all such bullsh!t. I hope that at least AF cooperates and doesn't screw up your plans.

 
At 14 July, 2006 18:57, Blogger Dawn said...

I am so sorry about the negative. It sucks! Thinking of you.

 
At 15 July, 2006 17:06, Blogger Debbi said...

i'm so sorry, Lut. I know there's nothing i can say. IF just plain sucks ass.

 
At 04 August, 2006 06:51, Blogger sube said...

I've been away and am just catching up. So sorry to read your news. It truly sucks.

 

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