Saturday, August 19, 2006

I want to be a hermit

What not to watch on the tv on BFN day?

A documentary about the Sperm.inator, an evil wannabe RE, who gave women fake IF treatment. In short, he told them to inject HCG to boost their fertility, when - lo and behold - they got positive HPTs, he performed a number of u/s until they were supposedly 12 weeks along, then told each of them they had lost the baby but would not miscarry. No, the foetus would be resorbed by the body. This scam occured before the internet. Evil REs of today have to be a tad more sophisticated, at least. (Thanks for the link, Meg!).
Oh, he gave real enough DI treatment, and is thought to have 75 biological children. Fabulous.

What also not to watch on the tv on BFN day?

Any show with an IF plotline. Say a show where a caucasion couple want to sue their RE for using the wrong sperm/egg/both, their cute baby girl clearly is of mixed descent (I'm not up to speed on north-american PC terminology). Mommy meets up with lawyer in a bar (where?) only to confess she had an affair. Lawyer tells her to fess up to daddy, only she doesn't. At next meeting with couple, lawyer spills the beans. Daddy is outraged, throws mommy down stairs. Mommy dies, daddy rejects baby, baby goes into foster care.

And the moral of this story is ... just relax have an affair. Duely noted.

Why not to go to work after BFN day?

You're bound to hear some coworker fishing for sympathy
say "We tried for six months!" and you can't smack him for being pathetic because you're in the closet and want to stay there. Let out a silent scream in your head. Pat yourself on the back for coping so well.

Why not to go out of the house at all after BFN day?

Are you nuts? Go to a public function, run into a bunch of acquaintances, see wife of one is quite visibly PG, only to overhear that another's due is in January? Yes, of their second child since you've been trying for #1. Back away slowly, start tearing up, run to bathroom, full fledged crying, dab eyes with cold water, sneak out of public function unnoticed, walk home across town still crying.

For goodness sake, when is it going to stop?

Where not to go 2 days after BFN day?
The in-laws? Yep, that's where I'm expected tomorrow. As least one baby nephew will be there. Sigh.
Who knows, I might manage.

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At 19 August, 2006 00:27, Blogger DinosaurD said...

Hi Lut - just me again. I'm sorry (still) that you're having to deal with all this. However...I will certainly be thinking of you tomorrow as I am also going to be with the in-laws - they are coming here.
If you lived (a lot) closer, we could get together for a stiff drink tomorrow night and exchange war stories.

At 19 August, 2006 00:51, Blogger squarepeg said...

holy. crap. that is a lot to deal with. I wish I had a suggestion for coping. My pathetic coping skills may land me in AA pretty quick since of late they tend to revolve around a bottle of wine...

I'm sorry the last few days have been so crappy.

At 19 August, 2006 01:14, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Wow, that is an impressive amount of Bad TV. Too bad some of it is based on real life!

I'm sorry that the other situations are popping up around you too- that sucks. I only hope that things are OK at the in-laws.

Thinking of you - I know this is hard.

At 19 August, 2006 01:17, Blogger My Reality said...

Perhaps now is the time to start perfecting your lace making and turn off the TV? I hope you survive your family tomorrow.

At 19 August, 2006 01:53, Blogger projgen said...

Ooh, vague memories of Jacobsen. Scary crap, that.

Good luck at the in-laws. If it gets too tough, just imagine all of us standing around you waving dildocams high in the sky yelling, "infertiles UNITE!"

With bottles of vodka in our other hands, of course.

At 19 August, 2006 02:53, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so sorry about your bfn and that you have to deal with all of this. How upsetting. Thinking of you. Hugs

At 19 August, 2006 04:18, Blogger Millie said...

Good lord, woman, stick to the violent and the snarky especially the Shield, Deadwood, Dead Like Me and most House episodes.

And you deserve a medal for going to in-laws this soon.

At 19 August, 2006 13:56, Blogger Meg said...

Lut - I'm so sorry it didn't happen this time. I hope you're doing ok.

So there's plans in place? Yeah?


At 19 August, 2006 16:05, Blogger fisher queen said...

Ugh. At least you can throw something at the TV. Second baby announcements always hurt so badly.

At 19 August, 2006 19:42, Blogger sube said...

Oh, ouch. That's an awful lot to deal with in a short few days. I hope the visit to the in-laws involves some wine. Good luck.

At 19 August, 2006 23:43, Blogger katty said...

Poor you. I'm very sorry. It sounds horrible. I'm thinking of you.

At 20 August, 2006 04:02, Anonymous Jennifer said...

I'm thinking of you. Hang in there!

At 21 August, 2006 01:39, Blogger Beagle said...

I can add one: DO NOT go to a gallery opening a few days post failed IVF/FET when your belly bloat prompts someone to ask you if you are pg when indeed you are actively bleeding away another couple of "perfect" embryos.

I agree, hibernating for a while is the way to go!!

Hang in there Lut. I hope the inlaws visit was not too awful.

At 21 August, 2006 07:22, Blogger Sparkle said...

Yuck, yuck and yuck.

Did you read this article?

I disagree - I think we should stay on earth and all the preggy people should go to another planet (except former IFers of course :>) )

At 21 August, 2006 09:56, Blogger Thalia said...

Ugh lut I am sorry to hear this news. I hope you survived the in-laws. And I hope your doc let's you off this IUI hook and let's you move on, surely this has been soul-destroying enough.

At 21 August, 2006 15:49, Blogger soralis said...

Sending you a big hug.

So sorry that you have to go through all of this.

Take care

At 21 August, 2006 15:50, Blogger Angie said...

WOW, that's a lot of bad situations. I'm sorry! I hope you were able to manage okay yesterday.

At 21 August, 2006 20:03, Anonymous Kate P. said...

Some really good advice that I got 'somewhere' is give yourself permission to feel like shit. Though easier said than done, it's OK to take a time out from social situations where you know there will be kids and/or pregnant women. Is that a cold coming on, cough, cough? Is that a headache coming on? Just can't make the inlaws, or that baby shower, or that perfect pregnant couples dinner party...? It's OK to avoid difficult situations when you are going through IF.

I've had several failed IUI's and I can't help but feel they were a waste of time--I get how you feel! Wish me luck on my IVF! What else am I going to do?!

At 21 August, 2006 23:03, Blogger Alli said...

Sorry about the bfn. That sucks, to say the understatement of the year.

You are going through so much - I totally relate to wanting to be a hermit. {{hugs}}

At 22 August, 2006 06:35, Blogger Mony said...

Nowhere is safe after BFN. Except on your blog surrounded by twisted sisters!

At 22 August, 2006 18:40, Blogger Lara said...

Hi Lut, Hermit mode is a great way of healing I think. IF sucks ASS!! No other way of describing it really that fully encompasses how you feel when you get a bfn. Do the inlaws know whats been going on? I had to tell mine because they thought we just didnt want kids. They thought we just weren't interested and Jeesh once I told them what was up, its really pulled us up in their favor. Its still hard tho when there's all these other little kids or prego women when you're out...take it easy for awhile. Hope it gets better soon!

At 23 August, 2006 06:05, Anonymous Bebe said...

You are a braver woman than I. I refused to see the IL's when they came to visit, and she still thinks I'm crazy.

So sorry about the BFN. And for the unfortunate scheduling of TV shows.

At 23 August, 2006 15:29, Blogger ankaisa said...

Oh no. Most of those things would be bad even on a good day, but on a BFN day - torture!

At 23 August, 2006 16:54, Blogger ellie said...

oh lut. I am sorry. I hope your day gets better. I never leave the house on bfn day. I have cartoons reserved for just that event and dh is pretty good about making sure that any candy I could possibly want is on hand for snacking. It doesn't really help the sting but it keeps my mind from wandering too far.


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