Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A letter

Dear docter,

If you're reading this, you've found my blog. As you can see, mostly, I write about myself, about the infertility that has me in its grip and how I try to cope. Since you and your team play a prominent role in my coping strategy, I'm bound to mention you here now and again.

Perhaps you find it distressing or inappropriate to be a subject of conversation on the internet. Perhaps you find some of the things I've written unfair, thoughtless or inaccurate. Perhaps the flippant and sometimes sarcastic tone of my posts makes you frown.

The reason you're my doctor is because I respect you as a professional and trust you with my care. Though infertility is a medical issue first and foremostly, it has a much wider impact on my life. Dealing with the fallout takes a number of strategies. A blog is one of mine.

Keeping a diary is known to be therapeutic and was suggested to me by my counsellor. This was my motivation to start a blog. Quickly, I realized it was much more than that.
The public nature of blogging adds an extra dimension, which I find invaluable. Through my blog and my participation in other blogs I have found a connection to an entire community of likeminded women (and some men). Their understanding and support has made the world of difference.

Before, intense feelings of sadness, anger and frustration often overwhelmed me. These feelings haven't gone, but they're less threatening as I now know they're normal and have an outlet for them.

For my own reasons, I've opted to write under a pseudonym. This decision protects my privacy, as well as that of anyone else mentioned here. So even if this is a public forum, my blog does not subject you to true public scrutiny. Even so, this may not completely dispell your unease, though I hope to a great extent it does.

My flippancy and at times sarcasm does not mean I don't take my condition, your treatment or your expertise seriously. Humour is a tried and tested way to deal with stress and frustration, both of which are in plenty supply when it comes to infertility. Children benefit immensely from hospital clown visits. One fertility clinic notes clowns even increase the succes rate of treatments.

Finally, since this is a diary, what I write is essentially subjective in nature. Parts have been exaggerated for effect, others aspects have been glossed over. My mood dictates the direction I take, and sometimes it isn't pleasant. Letting the uglyness out where it can do no harm, makes it more bearable.

After reading this letter, I hope you understand why I've taken the liberty of writing about our encounters. I hope you'll agree that by writing pseudonymously, I have taken your interests duely into account. I sincerely hope you'll be willing to continue treating us.

Kind regards,


This post was inspired by what happened to Thalia last week. I hope Thalia finds a way forward that she's more or less comfortable with. I wouldn't like to see her go, but that's a decision only she can make.

Liana's take on this gave me food for thought, as well, from the perspective of a 'nymous' blogger.



At 10 October, 2006 01:17, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a good letter. I hope if it ever gets read by its intended recipients, they gain a wholehearted understanding.


At 10 October, 2006 03:06, Blogger My Reality said...

I hope that this will only ever have to be a hypothetical letter and you will never by found by your doctors.

At 10 October, 2006 03:06, Anonymous Jennifer said...

Very well said!

At 10 October, 2006 18:48, Anonymous Jys said...

Great post that every RE out there should read.
I think most doctors zoom into IF being a medical issue, but like you rightfully said, it is SO much more than that. It becomes a life-style - it consumes your world totally. And it is a very dark and unhappy emotional state.

blogs and online communities there are simply God-sent to help us all deal with it. Keep writing!!

And thanks for visiting my blog btw :) Good luck!!

At 11 October, 2006 02:29, Blogger Millie said...

Great post. I hope if my current doctor finds me on the 'net, as a former infertility patient himself, he'll understand. Frankly I hope he's too busy taking care of his patients.

At 11 October, 2006 02:51, Blogger Sandy said...

Great post. It still boggles my mind that people are living in fear of their treatment being jeopardized because of their blogs. I guess I'm too naive.

At 11 October, 2006 13:51, Anonymous shazz said...

You should sell them on ebay, we could all send one!!

At 12 October, 2006 00:58, Blogger Beagle said...

Well written, but I also hope being found is a rarity.

At 12 October, 2006 22:48, Blogger soralis said...

That is a great letter... hope that you do not have to ever go through what Thalia has been going through though.

Take care

At 13 October, 2006 22:38, Blogger P. said...

What I great letter.

At 14 October, 2006 01:06, Blogger patricia said...

well said.

At 14 October, 2006 04:56, Blogger Ova Girl said...

well said. It's a horrible situation, not the reading by fertility doctors I think because frankly they SHOULD know just how distressing and difficult it can be but because the result is that Thalia feels she has to stop blogging. Yet another way that the system fucks us over.

My blog kept me sane. Being part of a community of like minded souls remindeed me that I wasn't a freak. No doctor has the right to take that away.


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