Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Window of opportunity

Some people feel they're jinxed with infertility. Not me. I have my share of irrational thoughts though. I call mine 'the window of opportunity'.

Whenever I hear about a friend's or relative's, or even an acquaintance's PG, I feel a sense of certainty that they'll deliver their baby before I ever get a shot. Well, I've been right so far. Now, I come across a lot of people, so a window of opportunity only opens up rarely and it's pretty narrow.

A good friend of mine, PG after many a struggle, is almost due. More importantly, she is the only one expecting that I know of. Her baby should be born before my cycle is over. A window of opportunity will be opening up, surely.

Not any more. Another PG anouncement has come in on the grape-vine. Poof, no more window of opportunity. Sigh. It's irrational and completely illogical, I know that. There's no reasoning with a gut feeling.

The thing is, I now have to deal with this somehow. The women in question, let's call her Ruth, I've known her since childhood. We've drifted apart since going away to different colleges, sure, but I've wanted to rekindle the friendship a few times. Only I haven't told her what we've been going through. I was afraid it would be a sensitive issue, since her husband was pretty against having children before they married. Apparantly, that has been resolved (thankfully).

Her being PG isn't going to make telling her any easier. What can I say? "Congratulations on your PG, best of luck ...
  • ... I'm so glad you're not facing our journey through hell."
  • ... I can't bear to hear anything about it."
  • ... Any chance of you giving your second to me?"
Bitter, jealous, moi?

Chances are, she heard about our problems through the grape-vine as well, and doesn't know what to say either.
Sigh, I should call her or write an e-mail, but I'd rather hide.

At least I've got the IVF to think of, while I wait for the next window of opportunity. Speaking of which, I'm almost done with the BCPs. I've been taking the Supre.fact nasal spray without any noticeable effect. I wonder if it's working, but not obsessively. I had no side-effects from Cl0mid or Men0pur and those seemed to do their thing.
Perhaps that's what's wrong with me, my body isn't sensitive to the relevant hormones. Just a wild guess.

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21 Comments:

At 19 October, 2006 00:36, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well... I don't have any answers about how to approach the friend. I've been going with the "run and hide" option, pretty much.

I'm sorry you missed your window of opportunity.

Bea

 
At 19 October, 2006 01:36, Anonymous Sarah said...

I like the hide your head in the sand approach myself! That is one of the only ways that I have been able to make it through this. Take care.

 
At 19 October, 2006 03:35, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I am a huge fan of the run and hide approach too, so I don't really have any assvice for you. Hang in there.

 
At 19 October, 2006 06:36, Blogger sube said...

Who says opportunity only has one window? Maybe it's more like a greenhouse. :)

May your window open soon.

 
At 19 October, 2006 10:38, Anonymous Meri-ann said...

I vote run and hide too.....

A friend of mine said to me the other day 'i've got something to tell you' and my stomach contracted up in knots and i broke out in a cold sweat- i was all tense and ready to hear it. A reflex action. Except.... it was about her job. I can't believe how quickly I jumped to the assumption that she was pg.

 
At 19 October, 2006 12:35, Blogger Thalia said...

I don't have much reaction to the suppressant drugs either, but they work fine on me, so don't worry.
I've given up expecting myself to have a 'moral high ground' type reaction to any kind of pregnancy, so I allow myself free reign to think all the bitchy miserable things I won't ever say to teh person concerned. It's quite liberating.

 
At 19 October, 2006 16:37, Blogger Sandy said...

I'm convinced I was an ostrich in a previous life, so am also a fan of the run and hide approach. The little rituals and beliefs we acquire on this journey is bizarre. I was convinced that if I could just swing myself into thinking good thoughts and being happy for other people who were pregnant, I'd finally be worthy of getting pregnant myself. OH, and I used to think that if I could successfully eat a whole potato chip that was folded over (those "wish chips" from childhood), without opening my mouth to breathe, I'd get pregnant and have a happy, healthy child. Yep. Infertility and recurrent miscarriage makes us all very sane people.

 
At 19 October, 2006 17:40, Blogger k #2 said...

Damn...I am impressed you have ever seen a Window of Opportunity! That is extremely positive, IMO! The fact that you are jealous and it hurts -- extremely normal.

I guess I would buy a Congrats card at the store, sign your name (nothing more) and mail it to your friend. Then you don't have to "say" anything! That's what I always did (of course, I would cry when I mailed it).

 
At 19 October, 2006 18:02, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I am all for the "run and hide" after sending the card option. Sometimes avoidance is all we can do.

I keep worrying about my brother and sister-in-law passing us by. Don't know if they're "trying," but they don't know we are, or about any of our issues...

I hope windows start opening up all over blogland. We need some air and sunlight around here.

 
At 19 October, 2006 18:19, Blogger soralis said...

I am all about avoidance...

Take care

 
At 19 October, 2006 23:11, Blogger ms. c said...

Uh, I'd opt for the run and hide option too.
I also subscribe to your window of opportunity way of thinking.

 
At 19 October, 2006 23:26, Blogger katty said...

I never had any real side effects from sniffing (nor from menopur, nor from clomid) and they worked fine for me. So don't worry. It just means that you have a strong body. At least what I like to think...

I didn't know what to say when people told me about their pregnancy, and I was desperate to conceive. I found it so very, very painful. I would often avoid them. Or say congratulations, once, preferably by e-mail, then avoid them. And go away and have a little weep.

I'm not so sure about the window of opportunity. It would make everything too easy to work out, and life is too random for that... more like buses...sometimes four come along at once, and at other times, you stand in the rain for ages, and nothing happens. And its very, very hard to predict which way its going to be... Anyway, I'd say the space hasn't been taken...

 
At 19 October, 2006 23:44, Blogger My Reality said...

Since you only heard through the grapevine, you can avoid it for a while, becuase it might not yet be common knowledge.

I hope your window opens soon.

 
At 20 October, 2006 02:28, Blogger namaste said...

I personally vote for avoiding things until they smack you in the face, and then smiling and faking the proper responses. :) (and then getting the heck outta there).

As for the window of opportunity, well, who says only one can fit through a window? Who says that it closes after one person squeezes through?

I didn't have a lot of side effects to the drugs either. And I didn't believe I could EVER get pregnant. EVER.

So I can understand where you're coming from, but I firmly believe that this could be it for you and will be sending you many warm and fuzzy and successful thoughts. And hugs. xo

 
At 20 October, 2006 04:02, Blogger Em said...

I like the run and hide and bitch method of coping. It is really hard though. I'd like to be honest and say that having a baby makes all that crap go away but I am getting really jealous of people who are on to their second babies now.

 
At 20 October, 2006 20:40, Anonymous gabby said...

I also like the run and hide approach. It'd be nice to put a protective bubble around ourselves, huh? Here's to hoping that you still have a nice window of opportunity open for this IVF round!

 
At 21 October, 2006 09:57, Blogger Lara said...

Hi! thank you sooo much for your comments on my blog recently, I really appreciate it! Good luck with the friend. Hey what part of Europe do you live in? I lived in Europe three times, England twice and Germany at 2 different air force bases.

 
At 21 October, 2006 10:33, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote - send her a congratulatory text - I did that last week and it was completely painless.

What about if you narrow your window down to say - no preggy announcements this week - rather than a whole 9 month term.

 
At 23 October, 2006 00:33, Anonymous Jys said...

And I thought I was the only one! :) lol
Lut, I understant those kinds of "irrational" thoughts so well. I cant count the amount of times I've "made up my own rules" - if I do this, I definitely won't get pregnant. If this happens, I DEFINITELY won't get pregnant.
Its funny how all the rules are cases of me definitely NOT getting pregnant. I don't recall having one that said, "Oh, I definitely WILL get pregnant if this or that".

Thing I've realized is, my fate has a mind of its own though. Even when I avoid everything I irrationally might try to like a plague, it does not guarantee that double line that month. And the time I DID get pregnant, I certainly had a bunch of things that were jinxed enough for it not to have happened. I've been trying lately to stop myself and say NO... whether I get pregnant or not HAS ABSOLUTELY NO TIES to this or that and particularly THAT.

Friend's announcements are the worst - and I'm sending you many hugs. I have learnt through this that there's nothing like having to face yet another pregnancy announcement in your circle when dealing with this. Its like everyone around you winning the lottery or something.

With time I accept that this is the way life is panning and that these people's children are simply meant to be born before mine in the line of time. I know that God knows the perfect time for my child to be born and I just have to believe that they will be born not a second sooner. I try to think of them not just as a fertilized egg, or an infant for me to rock, but rather as this individual, meant to be born into this world and live a specific life at a time that is ordained for them in all of time. I am simply the vessel bringing them here. And when they are meant to come, absolutely no external factors, nor a thousand simultaneous pregnancies of all my friends will affect it.

I hope you don't have to wait that much longer!! And I hope this IVF cycle is the one! :)

 
At 24 October, 2006 01:32, Blogger Angie said...

Run, hide, have no shame! Oh, and be glad she's not family :-) Glad to hear you're moving on with IVF!

 
At 24 October, 2006 17:32, Blogger Beagle said...

There's nothing rational about gut feelings. I would never have described myself as superstitious but since infertility I've read fortune cookies, seen a palm reader and begged a black cat NOT to cross my path (it kindly obliged which I then took as a good omen, but alas that cycle still failed).

Not sure what to say about the friend.

Every time I pass my ueberfertile and very social neighbor lady, I feel an urge to explain to her why I decline all her invitations. But I never do, I just smile and mumble something about "next time . . . "

I vote for hiding, but I'm not sure it's good advice.

 

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