Saturday, November 18, 2006


"In physics, resonance is the tendency of a system to oscillate with high amplitude when excited by energy at a certain frequency. This frequency is known as the system's natural frequency of vibration , resonant frequency, or eigenfrequency." ( Wikipedia)

Clever scientists want to use resonance to create wireless electricity .

What about resonance among humans? You all know what I'm talking about. There I am, minding my own business - or rather not - reading some blogs, when BAM! one of those posts hits me right between the eyes. Another setback, another BFN, another heartbreak, ... Ouch! The weird thing is, I keep coming back for more.
At times the intensity of this community can be overwhelming. Kath ( Inhospitable) calls it the tender trap. I call it empathy overload, repetitive strain injury of the soul.

Of course it isn't all gloom and doom in our community. Many of us find a way out of this quagmire, and it makes me happy when they do.
To be perfectly honest, the happy news doesn't resonate as strongly with me as the negative, nor is the impact as long lasting. I think the reason is pretty simple, I can relate more directly to the negative experiences, especially when they echo my own, than to the happy ones.

Right now, I can't imagine a happy outcome for us anymore, or perhaps I don't dare. Lucky for me, you're imagining one for me, so I can let it rest for a while. Thanks, it makes the bouts of empathy overload worthwhile.

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At 18 November, 2006 17:50, Blogger Josie said...

I think we all need to imagine those happy outcomes for each other. I know I too don't have the strength to do it for myself.

Unfortunately there is comfort in disappointment, but there is also hope in positive news. I know I will be happy for you some day - soon I hope.

At 18 November, 2006 23:30, Blogger Thalia said...

I have days when I can do the happy stories, and days when I can't. And days when everything makes me cry. It's hard being there for each other, but it's worth it, I think.

At 19 November, 2006 02:47, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, if hoping for you helps, then I'm hoping. If it's not helping, just ignore me, I'm not doing anything over here at all, honest.

I think you explained things perfectly. Some days you read through all these blogs and just come away feeling drained and ready to give up. On other days you wonder what you'd do without this community.


At 19 November, 2006 18:20, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am with the others. Sometimes reading these blogs, both happy and sad, is just too much. I have thought about quitting, but I can't. I need this community. I hope that we are all rejoicing in some happy news for you soon. Hugs.

At 19 November, 2006 19:09, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Lut, you said it so well. And I agree about the bad news resonating more strongly. If only the opposite were true, we could draw more strength from the positive stories.

(By the way, I was on a trip this weekend and visited your site without commenting (as I just had a quick minute at a friend's house). I saw two posts I hadn't seen before. And now, when I got back home, your old post "Zero" was the one that showed up first -- your last two were gone. Turns out my browser hadn't refreshed. And I wouldn't have known about your last two posts if not for my trip. How very odd.)

At 20 November, 2006 05:09, Blogger projgen said...

What everyone else said. And I'm happy to imagine positive outcomes for you all day long, if it takes a little pressure off you.

(Kath, try subscribing to a blogroll, like bloglines ( or something similar - you can click through to your blogs from your blog list and never miss a new post!)

At 20 November, 2006 05:19, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was a newbie blogger all I looked for was happy outcomes - because I was looking for positive stories to believe it would happen for us.

As time has gone on, I'm grateful that there are other people in the same boat as me. It's hard enough to feel isolated in my real life.

Sooo, I think what I'm saying is, the setback stories keep things real for me, the good news stories - that persistence pays.

At 20 November, 2006 12:41, Anonymous shazz said...

Its you guys that get me through!!

At 20 November, 2006 15:34, Anonymous gabby said...

I am so so so sorry about what you're going through. Most days I can't imagine a happy outcome for myself either. I'm a pessimist for me but an optimist for others. We'll keep the hope alive for you.

At 20 November, 2006 16:05, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The tender trap..that is certainly true! What would we all do without this amazing community?

I'll stay positive for you...

At 20 November, 2006 17:20, Blogger My Reality said...

I am still able to imagine a happy outcome for myself, however it may not be by being one of the lucky ones who beats the infertility odds and becomes pregnant. I hold on to the hope that one day, hopefully not too far down the road, I will be a mom and have the family I have dreamed of since childhood.

I will hope for you, even if you don't want to. That is what makes this community so great. Support, guidance and hope.

At 21 November, 2006 00:26, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Agreed- I think we relate to whatever is most similar to how we feel in a certain space/time. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's always something.

I am so thankful for this community!

At 21 November, 2006 01:09, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry you're having a hard time imagining a happy outcome. But I know what you mean - I too have a much easier time relating to the negative than the positive. It's terrible, I know, but I'm not too interested in reading the blogs with positive results these days. I just can't relate to them. But we'll get there - I still believe that.

At 21 November, 2006 23:48, Anonymous Nina said...

Oh Lut. Me too. Right now I cannot imagine that we will ever have a positive outcome, ever. And for me too, while I am overjoyed with the good news mostly, I am feel more strongly with those who have had bad news again and again and again (or even for the first time). It seems I can only relate to bad news right now. Am thinking of you a lot and know that things must be really hard for you right now, but am determined to keep the hope for your next cycle high! Hope is with Lut for me!!!

Take good care!


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