Monday, December 18, 2006

Spilling the beans

Some of you may remember that DH and I have been playing the to-tell-or-not-to-tell his parents game for quite some time. This weekend we visited them on our own, the perfect opportunity. DH still wanted to stall, but I insisted. They're already worried about us anyway and probably imagining worse things than are true. 'Mm', was his response, 'we'll see how well they're dealing with the news of Nephew#1's illness'.

After an hour or so of chatting about this and that, amongst which Nephew#1's illness and the strained relationship they have with his parents (SIL and BIL#1), just as I was plucking up the courage, DH broached the subject. (GOOD! The burden shouldn't always be on me.)

Their reaction was better than we anticipated. As I thought, they had guessed more or less what was up. MILs biggest fear is that we might split up over this. I have many fears about our future, but this isn't one of them (rightly or wrongly so). We didn't go into great detail about our diagnosis or treatment plan. There's no point in overwhelming them, besides I don't need more people on my call-with-bad-news list.

We're not planning to tell SIL+BIL #1 and #2 for now, but we assured them that if they were to spill the beans by accident, it wouldn't matter.

In other news, I've finished the BCPs for my rest cycle this Sunday. On Christmas day I can start BCPs again in preparation for our next cycle. When my period deigns to make an appearance I'll call my doctor to order my medication. Or shall I send a Christmas card?

Meanwhile ... it's the season to feel grumpy ... tralalala lalala la

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Because 1 is not enough ...

... I was hit by 2 PG drive-bys today.

#1 Direct hit: A colleague of mine, a wonderful woman, who's company I truly enjoy. This is her third child, second PG since we've been trying. Lovely. I wish her the best, but have no qualms about feeling jealous and bitter.

#2 Way-off hit: An offline IF whom I've met only once (I'm friends with her SIL, and have been informing her about the ins and outs of ART). PG after their first IVF. I'm very happy for them, and wish them smooth sailing. But I'm also a teensy bit envious, and feeling qualms about that. I can't even 'just be happy' for a fellow IF, how miserable is that.

IF is not bringing out the best in me. I have a growing sympathy deficit.

Exhibit A:
Nephew #1 is pretty ill with a serious cold, the parents are pretty distressed, and worried enough to take him to hospital for a checkup.
My reaction (to myself): Meh, he'll pull through, at least they have a kid to worry about.

Exhibit B:
Acquaintance #1 has to have daily injections for a month, but has needlephobia. My reaction (to myself): Get over it already, it's not that hard

I blame the self-pity. It drowns everything else out. I'm hoping it's just a phase.

I've been trying to lay low for the last couple of days. I really, really need to make up for lost time (and lost motivation) at work. Very exhausting.
Besides, there's nothing much going on here. My rest cycle strip of BCPs runs out next Sunday. After that, wait for period and start BCPs for our next attempt.

I've also been trying to let the whole donor issue rest. Trying being the operative word. Last weekend, I was home alone, minding my own business, staying up to late. When I finally went to bed, I had the bright idea of reading other Big Clinic's policy on known donorship. (What, you don't leave stuff like that by your bedside?)
Turns out, they only do known donor with eggs, out of necessity I suppose. Donor sperm is always anonymous. That made me so upset I couldn't sleep. How discriminatory!

Of course I had to spend half of the next day scouring the internet on donor issues.
Luckily, I found some reassuring things. Yet another clinic also prefers anonymous, but claims to review exceptions on an individual basis. That's something at least.
Parliament is considering legislation on ART. Though they persist in treating anonymous donorship as the obvious choice, and don't even organize any form of identity release, known donorship is not outlawed.
Oddly enough, for embryo donation anonymity is mandatory. How utterly illogical. Say two sisters suffer from IF. One manages to create a host of embryo's with her husband and is willing to give some to her sister who is less fortunate. That would be illegal??? But asking the sister to be an egg-donor, and her husband a sperm-donor would be allowed?! The example is pretty extreme and unlikely, but not impossible. I should call my MP and complain.

I'm back to trying to let it rest, at least until after our next high stakes gamble (aka IVF/ICSI) is behind us.

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

It's the season ...

Ms Prufrock is getting in the mood for the holiday season. She's setting up a big holiday card swapping scheme. Hurry up and join, the deadline to register is December 6th.

I had thought of boycotting Christmas altogether this year, no tree, no decorations, nothing, but maybe I'll change my mind.