Last Friday, I met for lunch with Elizabeth*
a friend of mine from college . I see her a couple of times a year. I hadn't told her about our little problem before, mainly because I wasn't ready to tell. She's single, and I feared that she would 'like to have my problems', if you know what I mean.
I changed my mind about talking about our IF to her, because frankly, if I didn't what else was I going to talk about? Conversation had become exceedingly sparse the last time we met.
I told her I had been to the hospital, which is why I couldn't meet her on Wednesday as she had suggested. Then, while toying with my food, I told her we were trying to find out why we can't seem to have children.
Now, I consider Elizabeth a sensible women, but I must have really startled her with this news. WIthin 10 minutes, she had spouted no less than 3 classic blunders.
Elizabeth: "It must be all the stress you're under".
Me: "No, that's a myth. There are lots of myths about IF".
Elizabeth:"Well, adoption is always an option".
Me: "Hm, that's rather complicated." (At least it was the variant without 'just').
Elizabeth:"What about in vitro insemination
Me:"You mean fertilization
. That's a very taxing treatment, both physically and mentally. The doctors like to try less invasive treatments first. And IVF isn't a sure thing either. "
3 classic comments, but then she came up with this:
Elizabeth: "Perhaps you should eat more fish!"
Me: "???" (Fish!)
Now that I think about it, this one is a classic in disguise. You'd be fertile if you ate right.
I wasn't pleased with this conversation, but everything she said was a clumsy attempt at expressing concern and offering help. I would have gotten upset if I hadn't been so well prepared for this by my IF comrades.
I told her that the hardest thing to deal with right now is the feelings of depression. She advised me to see a psychologist, that it had worked wonders for her.
Seeing a therapist is far from commonplace in my corner of the world. I seized the opportunity to ask her about it, how had she found her therapist, how often did she go, what does it cost... I've considered going to a psychologist for help, but I'm reluctant.
I'm still not convinced. I would have to pretty confident that it's someone who is familiar with IF patients. Cluelessness is ok, but I'm not going to spend my money and time to educate a psychologist on the psychological pitfalls of IF. But maybe I'm just being ignorant, I'd be happy to hear of your experiences.
On the cycle front, today is day 1 of another 2ww, if I can believe the temperature hike I saw this morning. I feel ambivalent about this cycle working. I've switched to decaf today but have had a drink this evening anyway. Inconsistent, me? I've been here before
, and will be here again.*
Name changed to protect the innocent.
Labels: ART4newbies, Clueless