In a pickle
The timing doesn't suit me all too well, but I didn't have an excuse handy to stall. My next doctors appointment is still a full week away, and only then will I get a better idea of how many monitoring appointments there might be during the upcoming cycles and if they'll be during work hours or not.
Basically, I'm wondering if this is the time to come out of the closet at work. Entirely out, a little or not at all?
A couple of scenario's are churning in my head.
* I don't say anything, no-one notices that some of my absences are non-work related, even though it says 'private appointment' in my electronic diary, in stead of work-related meetings etc. Ask me no questions, tell you no lies. Just to be clear, I'm not supposed to use vacation time for medical appointments, it counts as sick leave.
This is how it has been up to now. When someone did ask (rarely), I fobbed them off by saying 'doctors appointment, nothing serious, always a different ailment, blah blah,..' Of course, things are going to get much more involved from now on. One appointment per cycle isn't going to cut it, I assume.
* I don't say anything, someone does notice the rather frequent 'private appointments' and starts to think up all sorts of things. Like:
- I'm absconding to do shopping (yeah right, wardrobe stays drab as ever)
- I'm absconding to go to interviews for a new job
- I'm absconding to see a doctor for a dreadful illness
- all of the above
This would be very bad.
* I tell my boss I will be having a number of doctor's appointments in the upcoming months. I keep quiet regarding the reason, but reassure him he doesn't have to worry, "not life-threatening, chronic illness, treatment to ensure high quality of my life, blah blah blah".
* I tell my boss I'm 'unvoluntarily childless' and seeking treatment to change that. I ask that he respects my privacy, meaning that he doesn't tell a certain Co-worker with whom he shares more than just the office (all above board, nothing sordid, but still a delicate situation at times).
I'm strongly leaning towards scenario three. I have many reasons for not wanting to come out completely.
Though I don't think my boss would violate confidentiality willingly, I do think it might slip out. Especially if said Co-worker, his partner, starts asking him questions. Just my luck that she would be the first who might notice something is up, as she's in charge the day-to-day planning. So why not bring her in to the loop and swear her to confidence? Well, she a well-meaning person, but couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it.
The last thing I want is to be the topic of hushed conversation at work. I don't want to spend my time educating my colleagues. I don't want to dodge thinly-veiled questions about how the treatment is going.
And I don't want to face the gloating smirk on the face of The Moron(R) when he finds there is finally something at which he excels, after all he is a CHOSEN one, a father not once but twice over. I'm sure he'd be perfectly happy to remind me that they had to try 6 months for #2.
I've been trying very hard to not think about IF when I step into my office. Some days are better than others and often I feel I'm just keeping up appearances. If word gets out, it will only be harder.
The risk of scenario three is that my boss starts guessing what horrible affliction I could have, and draws the wrong conclusions. I don't think IF will spring to mind. I do know - from said Co-worker - that he knows all too well what a ravishing grip illness can have on a person's life (a relative of his). You see where I get the idea that she doesn't know when to stop sharing.
Perhaps I should have more faith in my boss, especially because he has experience with such matters. But once told, there is no untelling, and I know some of you have regretted telling some person or other. It's a gamble either way.
EJW, over at Wiscadoo, is also wondering what to tell her new boss.
Does this post count as one weird thing about me? I was tagged, to my surprise, for the 6 weird facts meme by Squarepeg.
Still thinking about 5 others.
As far as the rest cycle is concerned, it's going well enough. No temping or cm-checking. I'm sampling my way through our bar. I'm still addicted to blogreading. I'm not succeeding very well in forgetting IF and thinking of work first. Oh well.