The beginning of the end
The protocol is pretty standard, but for those of you curious to know, here it is:
BCP for 25 days, during last 5 days add nasal spray
Wait for period, continue nasal spray
Get baseline echo, continue nasal spray
Start stimming, continue nasal spray at lower dose
After 6 or 7 days of stimming first u/s and blood draw.
More stimming, spraying and checking.
Request DH's contribution & undergo egg retrieval
Anxiously await transfer
Anxiously await beta
This schedule puts ER in the second week of november.
Of course, I don't need to remind any of you that all of this is subject to last minute changes.
I should be thrilled, excited and hopeful about finally starting IVF, but to tell the truth, I have mixed emotions. Yes, I've been waiting to get here for what seems like ages. Yes, IVF is the treatment with the best prospects of success.
The thing is, this is the final phase of ART. After IVF, there is nothing.*
Before, I always found comfort in the thought that there was always IVF, if all else failed. I knew of course that IVF wasn't a sure thing, but it was still out there to try.
Now we're here, I have to look the harsh reality in the face that this could fail too.
My clinic claims that 85% of the women that do 4 IVF cycles with them get PG and deliver a baby. That still leaves 15% of women who do not. These odds are good, but I know they'll be of little comfort if I fall on the wrong side of them.
But it's not really the statistics that get under my skin. It's the stories I read on your blogs that get to me. I can put faces to those statistics now, or pseudonyms at least. The joy is real and so is the sorrow. I'm no longer the complete innocent I was last year. Some might think that's a loss, but let me put it this way:
Do you miss the days when women went into their wedding night knowing little to nothing about what was awaiting them?
Don't get me wrong. I'm fortunate to have the opportunity of doing IVF and I appreciate that. I know some of you have been waiting for a chance at IVF for a long time, and posts like this must be hard to read.
* Nothing in terms of getting PG and delivering a child.