... I was hit by 2 PG drive-bys today.
#1 Direct hit: A colleague of mine, a wonderful woman, who's company I truly enjoy. This is her third child, second PG since we've been trying. Lovely. I wish her the best, but have no qualms about feeling jealous and bitter.
#2 Way-off hit: An offline IF whom I've met only once (I'm friends with her SIL, and have been informing her about the ins and outs of ART). PG after their first IVF. I'm very happy for them, and wish them smooth sailing. But I'm also a teensy bit envious, and feeling qualms about that. I can't even 'just be happy' for a fellow IF, how miserable is that.
IF is not bringing out the best in me. I have a growing sympathy deficit.
Nephew #1 is pretty ill with a serious cold, the parents are pretty distressed, and worried enough to take him to hospital for a checkup.
My reaction (to myself): Meh, he'll pull through, at least they have a kid to worry about.
Acquaintance #1 has to have daily injections for a month, but has needlephobia. My reaction (to myself): Get over it already, it's not that hard
I blame the self-pity. It drowns everything else out. I'm hoping it's just a phase.
I've been trying to lay low for the last couple of days. I really, really need to make up for lost time (and lost motivation) at work. Very exhausting.
Besides, there's nothing much going on here. My rest cycle strip of BCPs runs out next Sunday. After that, wait for period and start BCPs for our next attempt.
I've also been trying to let the whole donor issue rest. Trying being the operative word. Last weekend, I was home alone, minding my own business, staying up to late. When I finally went to bed, I had the bright idea of reading other Big Clinic's policy on known donorship. (What, you don't leave stuff like that by your bedside?)
Turns out, they only do known donor with eggs, out of necessity I suppose. Donor sperm is always anonymous. That made me so upset I couldn't sleep. How discriminatory!
Of course I had to spend half of the next day scouring the internet on donor issues.
Luckily, I found some reassuring things. Yet another clinic also prefers anonymous, but claims to review exceptions on an individual basis. That's something at least.
Parliament is considering legislation on ART. Though they persist in treating anonymous donorship as the obvious choice, and don't even organize any form of identity release, known donorship is not outlawed.
Oddly enough, for embryo donation anonymity is mandatory. How utterly illogical. Say two sisters suffer from IF. One manages to create a host of embryo's with her husband and is willing to give some to her sister who is less fortunate. That would be illegal??? But asking the sister to be an egg-donor, and her husband a sperm-donor would be allowed?! The example is pretty extreme and unlikely, but not impossible. I should call my MP and complain.
I'm back to trying to let it rest, at least until after our next high stakes gamble (aka IVF/ICSI) is behind us.
Labels: Clueless, EmotionalBagage