Friday's blood results were apparently inconclusive, a low E2 level I think the dr said. So I was invited back for a scan and a blood draw on Saturday morning.
All looked well on the scan and the blood work must have been all right, since the retrieval has been confirmed for Monday around noon (CET
). I'll be having the twilight sedation again, but I do expect to remember how to operate a computer and stay awake long enough to update.
Meanwhile my anticipation is steadily increasing and not in a good way.
In an effort to distract myself, I met up with a friend of mine and her baby (made in ART) to go for a walk. Afterwards, we stopped in a tearoom for hot drinks and sweets. A relaxing afternoon, until the table next to us was taken over by several couples and their bunch of tots. Ignoring them was pretty hard since they were acquainted with my friend.
I was ok with it, these are strangers, nothing to do with me. Talk about growth spurts, breastfeeding, viral infections, ... one ear in, other ear out.
But then, then they started listing all the people they knew who were PG, and such-and-such who were getting married, and babies would no doubt follow soon after.
I cracked at that, eyes welled up, managed to fight it long enough to pay the bill, but then I had to get out of there. Only I couldn't, because my friend was in the ladies room, I couldn't just disappear.
Luckily, she only needed one glimpse of me to see what was up, hugged me and told me to go on outside, she'd catch up with me. Relief, escape! And tears flowing freely.
There was nothing WRONG with them having that conversation. Had I been in their shoes, I would probably talk with the same casual air and taken-for-granted-ness. But I'm not, and I can't (any more). I just didn't need to hear that.
I hate crying in public, but I don't feel bad about possibly marring these people's perfect afternoon. After all, they can talk about it a little while, and then move on again. I think of it as parcelling out my sorrow, not that I feel it works.
Oh well, the tears were long overdue anyway, and the afternoon was pleasant for 95%, thanks to my supportive friend.
By the way, I can find unsuitable distractions in the comfort of my own home.
I'm watching Desperate Wousewives, the one where Gabby and Carlos take home a baby.
Labels: EmotionalBagage, ICSI#1