Monday, February 12, 2007

4dp4dt - nothing new

The past couple of days were spent happily floating along. We made it to transfer!
What more could a girl want? A whole lot more, actually.

I'm still happy, but I'm also wondering. Is the embryo still alive and developing? Will it implant?
If it does, how long will it stick around for? My natural pessimism is taking over again, so I have to keep telling myself that this might work.

A single remark from someone about my newly PG coworker was enough to sink my mood and start a little pity-party in my head. It just shows how much I'm still hurt by IF, no matter how much I wish I would be over it already.

A little bit of self-pity is allowable, considering the circumstances, but when is enough enough?
When should I tell myself to get a grip?  Getting over IF is a gradual process, I suppose, so I should aim for  a little more grip every day.

What else is new?

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18 Comments:

At 13 February, 2007 00:45, Blogger Beagle said...

If nothing else, the 2ww is one big mood swing. Just buckle your seat belt and hang in there!

I hope that embie is getting comfy for the long haul.

 
At 13 February, 2007 00:50, Blogger My Reality said...

Why do you have to get a grip just yet? You are still under the influence of mood altering hormones.

And yes, it might work. I hope it does.

I am curious, have they been able to give you anymore insight as to why there was no fertilization the first time around? Or has there been no new info because ICSI worked?

 
At 13 February, 2007 01:31, Blogger namaste said...

Out of all the 2ww times I ever had, the one following IVF was the worst one ever. I mourned the entire 2ww, convinced it didn't work, refusing to allow myself to hope. Then once I found out I was pregnant, I mourned, convinced it wouldn't stick. Even now I fear that the baby will somehow die, before, during, or after birth.

I wonder what it's like to be blissfully unaware of the possibilities of bad stuff happening?

Hang in there.

 
At 13 February, 2007 02:01, Anonymous margo said...

I agree with Beagle, the 2ww is just a big mood swing. Hang in there.

 
At 13 February, 2007 02:13, Blogger Carol said...

I don't see why you should feel pressured to get a grip. Until you have a shiny new baby in your arms - you are fully justified in letting IF bother you.

The IVF 2ww is the worst torture ever invented. I am so terrible at it. I've been through it 6 times and I don't have any good advice for how to get through it. Hope you hang in there ok.

 
At 13 February, 2007 02:37, Blogger Bumble said...

You have good days and bad days. You're so entitled to feel down, worried, blue, uncertain, hopeful, depressed etc. Its so hard to NOT know whats going on. Such an emotional rollercoaster. You want to hope, but you're scared to. You don't need to get over it until your baby is here, safe in your arms.

 
At 13 February, 2007 03:13, Blogger InDueTime said...

when do you have a beta? I am thinking about you!!! Hugs!!

 
At 13 February, 2007 04:31, Blogger Bea said...

Yep, right on cue with the newfound pessimism, I'd say. I like "a little more grip each day" - I think that's a very good way of going about it.

Bea

 
At 13 February, 2007 04:39, Blogger S said...

Yah, the 2WW sucks big ass. You don't need to get a grip-you are totally entitled to any feelings you have. I am also trying hard to push those pessimistic thoughts away, but it gets hard after awhile.

How many days until your beta? Is it on the 19th?

 
At 13 February, 2007 12:11, Blogger Meri-ann said...

Ahhh grip... how easily we lose it in the 2ww....

 
At 13 February, 2007 15:42, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I think that trying to obtain a "grip" is near impossible during the 2ww. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 
At 13 February, 2007 17:28, Blogger ms. c said...

I'm thinking of you, Lut... The wait is never fun, and the pain of IF will probably take much more than a pregancy to subside.
Wishing you peace...

 
At 13 February, 2007 18:03, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm with everyone else-no need to get a grip, just focus on surviving right now !

 
At 13 February, 2007 21:10, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

It's so cliche - but "one day at a time" really does work. Like putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will be over!

It is impossible not to have thoughts about your embryo implanting in there. Just keep visualizing it happening. YES it might work!

I think aiming for more grip every day is an enviable goal, but don't be too hard on yourself if there are days when you just can't do it. Totally normal.

Hoping for good news soon!

 
At 13 February, 2007 23:26, Blogger projgen said...

Oooh, it's like hearing my own story from my one and only 2ww. Give yourself a break and don't worry about getting a grip just yet. It's all still very "normal" right now (normal for us IFers, that is).

 
At 14 February, 2007 06:20, Blogger Mony said...

4dp4dt.
Ah....I love the sweet daydreams of such a time.
I hope all becomes reality, you little IF soldier!

 
At 14 February, 2007 16:31, Blogger Angie said...

I agree with everyone else! I hope your embie sticks around for about 9 months! :-)

 
At 14 February, 2007 17:02, Blogger lucky #2 said...

I wish I could say you ever get over IF, but you don't.

I guess it is healthy to admit your feelings, recognize them, WRITE about them, and "try" to move on!!

I am visualizing your little embie snuggled in for the long ride....

 

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