Wednesday, February 07, 2007

We interrupt our regular programming ...

... for a special news bulletin from Normal-land.

Yes mam, you've guessed correctly, I am the happy recipient of another pregnancy announcement. Not mine, of course not mine.

As PG announcements go, this qualifies as a golden specimen (and I'm not being sarcastic). Still, I feel the need to bore you with it.

It's from a coworker, whom I also consider a friend, so much so that she is one of my confidantes at work. I have been expecting it, since she bought and renovated a house only last year, but as the months passed by it dropped to the back of my mind.

She chose the best possible way to tell me: e-mail (Discrete, no instant reaction required).

In this e-mail she recognizes this must be hard news for me to hear (Empathy!) and she'll understand if I can't bear to talk to her about her PG (More empathy!). I probably should take out an ad in the newspaper saying: this is how you do it!

In all honesty, she couldn't have picked a better time. After all, I'm on a high here, still feeling a little euphoria (though that can change quick as a flash). Perhaps my other confidante tipped her off. Don't know, don't care.

My first thoughts were unfettered joy for her. Who needs another soul in the trenches? I quickly sent her a congratulatory mail, while I still felt that way. As if on cue, the mixed emotions creeped in as I pressed send.

Will I be able to bear talking about her PG - or even hear others talk about it? She suggests I won't, and perhaps that's not too far from the truth. In my mail, I told here there would be days when it would be too much to bear, there would be days when I'm fine with it, and there will be days in between. Am I deceiving myself?

I hope we can find a happy medium, I don't want to cut myself off completely, nor do I want her to bite her tongue all the time. Let's not forget I'm otherwise in the closet at work and don't want the waterworks going off all the time.
Probably we should lay some ground rules, but which ones?

  • I don't need to hear the details about any PG inconveniences.
  • I don't need to see the u/s, nursery pictures, onesies ...
  • I do want to know the big picture (are things progressing as they should?)
  • If I can't manage, I'll excuse myself, no hard feelings.
  • If I do get upset, it's all part of being an IF (unless the rules above were violated).

It's sad to admit to, but even such a golden PG announcement has me rattled. I have to consciously fight off the thought that this is an omen that means our cycle is doomed. (Remember my post about the Window of Opportunity? I need to reread your comments about it.) I feel sick to my stomach.

I guess it's just a roundabout way of saying happy for her, sad for me.

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At 07 February, 2007 16:54, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that it's difficult, Lut. I too have been hit extremely hard by a new pregnancy announcement (my youngest brother's second), particularly because he lied to me about it two weeks prior while his SIL and parents-in-law were told.

But as for your coworker, it sounds like she would understand where you're coming from and respect that you'd be happiest (for her as well as for yourself) not hearing all the little details.

Then again, if you get a BFP in two weeks, you may just become keenly interested in the details.

At 07 February, 2007 17:02, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

Those sound like some pretty good rules. Realizing what you need to do to protect yourself is important. I am hoping you have your own good news to share in a few weeks.

At 07 February, 2007 18:47, Blogger Baby Blues said...

Love this post... I definitely agree with the rules! It's a good idea to lay down those ground rules. It'll save us from all the inconvenience. I'm just figuring out how to implement it. :)

At 07 February, 2007 18:48, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Lut, I'm glad your co-worker broke this news in the "easiest" way possible.

I think groundrules are hypothetically a good idea - but I know that my feelings about things change so much all the time that it's probably not fair to anyone to try to nail down anything "on paper." I think what you said about different "types of days" was perfectly appropriate. Take it as it comes, I guess.

I do hope that you will be able to relate to her because of your own PG soon... go embryos!

At 07 February, 2007 18:49, Blogger Thalia said...

She sounds like a dream. Can you share the email so that we can all send it to our friends and relatives to show them how they should be doing it?

At 07 February, 2007 19:10, Blogger serenity said...

This happened to me recently. My SIL told my DH that she was pregnant, and that she was scared to tell me. And then I'm almost positive she and my MIL conspired to keep me out of the room when she announced it to the rest of the family.

But you know... being wonderful and sensitive about her announcement... is great. Really.

It just doesn't help.

I like your rules. A lot.

I might be putting them to good use soon.

At 07 February, 2007 19:33, Blogger Aurelia said...

I've been glad when someone has been sensitive about pregnancy and birth announcements. They can really really hurt...I'm glad your friend was decent.

At 07 February, 2007 20:16, Blogger The Town Criers said...

That is a golden pregnancy annoucement. And you can be happy for her and sad for yourself at the same time. I'm sending a lot of good energy your way for the transfer tomorrow.

At 07 February, 2007 20:27, Blogger Ladybug Ann said...

A bit late with my message but good luck with the 2 week wait for this IVF cycle.

At 07 February, 2007 23:59, Blogger Bumble said...

Your friend sounds wonderful. Preg. announcements are shit at the best of times so it helps to have someone who is considerate of your situation. (This makes me want to write my own post about my experiance of someone totally opposite.) And its not over yet. It doesn't mean that yours wont work, so keep the faith if possible!

At 08 February, 2007 00:01, Blogger Carol said...

These things are never easy. As much as you want to be happy for the person, it still stings. I think even after a BFP there will still be a bit of that there. I think I will still think "yeah, but I bet she didn't have to go through nearly as much as I did to get here".

Fortunatly my pg-announcement friends who have known about my situation have been extremely sensitive. I even noticed recently that my one friend (who is due in june) seems to be wearing very baggy clothes around me, or meeting somewhere and she's already sitting at the table when I get there, etc. Not sure if it's my imagination or not - but it seems like she's trying to avoid making me have to look at her growing belly.

At 08 February, 2007 00:36, Blogger My Reality said...

Pregnancy announcements are always tough. I am glad your friend recognized it would be difficult for you to hear her news.

I really hope you will have good news to share with her shortly. You deserve it.

At 08 February, 2007 01:28, Blogger Fertility Faux Pas said...

I'm hoping that the show of empathy from your co-worker means that she somehow already has a firm grasp on what the rules are. I hope. She sounds pretty cool and so far she has been really sweet and respectful towards you.

Hoping that you won't need to worry about it anyways and that the two of you can compare notes in the coming weeks. Best of luck to you tomorrow...

At 08 February, 2007 03:56, Blogger Sparkle said...

What is it with cycling and preggy announcements? All I can say is strap yourself in - because the 2WW can be a killer too!

At 08 February, 2007 05:14, Blogger ak1908 said...

I have to say that I am impressed with how selfless and gracious you were in your response to your coworker/friend. It's admirable. Many time IF makes us hurt so badly that it blocks us from being happy for others and apparently you're doing well with not allowing that to happen in this case. Just know that it is TOTALLY ok for you to have rough days so honor youself in those days!!!!

At 08 February, 2007 05:14, Blogger ak1908 said...

I'm wishing you well in the 2ww also:)

At 08 February, 2007 05:34, Blogger Kris said...

That was golden- and your rules sound great. I'm in a similar struggle- on of my closest IF friends has just had success with IVF- happy for her, sad for me. And we see each other all the time. Right now, it's ok. And if this cycle works, it'll be ok. But what if it doesn't? How will I handle watching her show?

At 08 February, 2007 05:51, Blogger Bea said...

Your rules sound great, the announcement as perfect as it ever could have been.

As for the other... well, you know *logically* her pg doesn't doom your cycle, so there's no point going there... How about... well it's not like she fell pg on the same day or anything. She's obviously further along. So the two aren't related at all. (Yes?)


At 08 February, 2007 16:37, Blogger lucky #2 said...

What a thoughtful friend you have. She certainly went about it in the sweetest way possible. If RESOLVE gave out a friend of the year awared...she'd get it!

At 08 February, 2007 21:38, Blogger projgen said...

argh. I think blogger ate my comment. *sigh* basically I said your friend sounds so considerate, and I sent you big hugs.


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