Tuesday, March 27, 2007

All is well - 9w2d

The appointment with dr. Sunshine went very well.
The u/s showed a blob which was considerably larger than the one we saw last time, from 3mm to 2.4 cm! I couldn't recognize much, but the dr. said she saw arm and leg buds. The embryo is measuring right on track and we saw the heart beating away. Next she turned on the sound so we could hear it. I was struck with awe.

So awe-struck in fact that I forgot to book the next appointment, so I had to call her office when I got home. :-)
Next appointment will be the nuchal fold measurement and triple test in the middle of April.

Somehow dr. Sunshine counts differently than dr. A. I thought today was 9w1d, but she called it 9w2d. It doesn't make much difference, I suppose. Perhaps it has something to do with Daylight savings time, which started this weekend. Humpf.

I'm very happy and grateful everything is progressing nicely in there. So far so good.

I won't be posting the u/s pictures though, I don't have a scanner and there is too little distinctive to see.
Using the scanner at work is not a bright idea, I think. Not before I'm ready to spill the beans, at least.

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Tiny update at 8w6d

I've removed the previous post about the suspended friendship, strictly as a precaution. No one likes to be blogged about. Even though I try my best to protect the identity of everyone involved, that might not be enough. To be honest, I'm not sure I'd appreciate being blogged about. Considering the fact that I blog myself, I'd hardly have the right to object.

Thanks for rallying to my side, it helps to balance the lack of understanding I meet elsewhere. The range of reactions gave me something to think about.

Today I'm 8w6d. Still no symptoms of note. My appetite has increased, I have to eat something between meals. I am trying to choose healthy foods, not that I succeed all the time. Anxiety levels are still surprisingly low.

In two days we have our next appointment. I don't know whether we'll be getting an u/s, or just blood tests.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Are anxiety attacks a symptom?

My fitness level is pretty shabby, though I know better than to start training right now, I do want to get a bit of exercise.
In this spirit, I decided to take the stairs to my office in stead of the elevator.  So up I went 4 flights of stairs, arriving out of breath as usual.

Bad idea. By the time I made it to my desk and plopped into my chair, I could feel my uterus protesting vehemently. The feeling is hard to describe, but it was a bit like I had a hard and angry ball in my abdomen. Soon after, I started flushing hot and feeling lightheaded. Red lights and sirens started going off in my head. 

After 10 to 15 minutes in the bathroom, breathing slowly and splashing water on my wrists and face, the worst was over. It took another hour or so for the angry feeling in my abdomen to go away. A pain in my side - ovaries? ligaments? - stayed until early evening.

I don't believe walking up 4 flights of stairs will make a difference in outcome. If it does, it means the outlook was bleak anyway. There are millions of PG women out there who can't take an elevator, or put their feet up after a long hard day, and to boot are risking their lives by having a baby. Not that knowing that would comfort me if the worst were to happen.

That said, I'm not going to limit stairclimbing for the time being. I still have the home trainer, which hasn't caused my any discomfort so far (not suprising at the snail's pace I'm riding it).

I'm feeling calm again, but I sure hope not to go through one of these attacks every day.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

6w6d - All is quiet

There's very little to report here, just the way I like it. I still have no symptoms of note, which should worry me, but for some reason doesn't particularly. Symptoms are not required for a healthy PG, at least that's the official stance. Besides, I still have time for some to develop.

I've borrowed two books on PG and have been reading up on the first trimester. DH and I even went to a 'birth centre' to get some information. I feel utterly unprepared for what is ahead, and I don't like the feeling one bit. Also, it's like infertility has wiped everything I knew before about pregnancy and child rearing from my mind. Not that I know so much.

There are a number of things we need to take care of soon, even though I'd rather wait.  We have the option of being monitored throughout the PG by a midwife, who would then also be present at the delivery.  If we want to pursue this, we need to start contacting midwives in our area.
Another thing is daycare. There are waiting lists, so I should start calling and registering our name here and there. I'm not looking forward to this chore at all.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty relaxed at the moment. I'm not confident in the outcome, but not obsessively checking for blood either.

Next appointment is in two weeks, no longer with dr. A, but back with dr. Sunshine. I'm a bit sorry to be leaving dr. A, because I really like his style. I'm sure I'll get used to dr. Sunshine again.
I don't know if I'll be having a scan at that appointment or just bloodwork. What I will be bringing up is a nuchal fold test and a triple test.

Someone asked how DH reacted to our BFP. He's the silent type, so I didn't expect big words or gestures. When he called his parents to fill them in, he was all smiles though. It was touching to see.

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Monday, March 05, 2007

6 weeks on the dot

The scan went well. The doctor pointed out 1 gestational sac with 1 beating hart.
I am stunned, again.


Thus a new chapter in this story begins, hopefully with a happy ending.


First I want to thank all of you for your support over the last days, weeks and months. I don't know where I would have been without this blog, and I don't think I want to know. Do I need to explain? Surely not.


Why am I thanking you now, so insanely early? PG after IF is an awkward time in an IF blogger's life. I realize that I will be silently waving goodbye to some of you in the near or not so near future, depending on how this goes. Though it makes me sad, it's perfectly ok, because that's just the way it is.

I have one request though. When I read blogs of women who are PG after IF, I often want to say something, just to let them know I was still reading. But how many times can you say "good to hear all is well!"? What do I know about being PG?!

Let's make a deal: say it as many times as you like. I won't tire of hearing it (and hope the circumstances will lend themselves to it.) If you get bored with it, consider leaving me a smiley, or some funky ASCII art, or a cool link to whatever. Not every time, just sometimes.

I hope this will be a very boring PG, but it would mean a lot to me to know someone is still visiting on occasion. You don't fly the trapeze without a safety net.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

I'm still cringing, yeah, yeah, yeah!

I thought seeing my PG co-worker would be easier, now that we've had some good news. It isn't really.

I'm angry. Angry that she got this hassle-free, while I had to wait for 3 years and go through treatment. Mind you, I'm not angry with her, or at myself, I'm just angry.

She's about 3 months ahead of me and just starting to show (or so I think). Each time I see her, I think 'what if I don't make it that far?'. Or worse, what if I do make it that far, only to still fail?

And of course my female co-workers flock around her over lunch, to chat about all things baby. Nutrition, sleeping position, daycare, ...  Most of them are very young and still single, only one or two already have kids, so I've been spared the birthing stories mostly.
Such chatter is perfectly normal, but nonetheless it makes me cringe. It's the carefree tone, no padding with 'if all goes well', 'wait and see', ...

In a way, I'm envious. It's not that I want to be the center of attention in stead of her, I don't think that would be enjoyable for me with my IF baggage. I'm envious because she can enjoy it.  Secretly, I'm thinking about how long I could keep a PG private (if all goes well).  It doesn't matter much, I suppose. I'm sure after only a few 'if all goes well's and 'wait and see's interest will fade (please, leave me this illusion).

Contrary to what you might think from this post, I'm coping with the wait till the scan fairly well. I'm worried of course, but not in a frantic way. I'm not expecting bad news, but not expecting good news either. I'm waiting.

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