Monday, December 08, 2008

Blogging fodder

Things are finally calming down at work. Now I have a load of chores
to catch up on at home, starting with all those piles of paperwork ...

I've started going to postnatal gym classes again. Before and after
class, there's the opportunity to chat with the other moms. Generally,
this is fun, except for the green monster lurking in the back of my
mind. And sometimes, it's plain blogging fodder.

Me: So how old is your baby?
IC: 3 months old.
Me: wow, that's still so small.
IC: Yes, and boy is an infant a lot of work!
Me: That's true. Mine is one year old, and it's a world of difference.
IC: We were actually considering adoption before, just to skip that
first year of infancy.
Me: (stunned silence).
Me: Adoption comes with its own complications.
IC: Yes.
Me: And it's expensive.
IC: Yes. In hindsight, we're glad we went for a biological baby. It is
much easier.
Me: (Yeah, for YOU it is).

I don't need to explain that this conversation annoyed me, right?
Wrong on so many levels. Don't ask me what IC stands for.

(In)fertility has been a hot topic in the news lately, and not in a good way.

There's the story of the impoverished couple who offered their unborn
child for sale because they were in financial trouble and couldn't
support a second child. They found buyers on a private surrogacy
forum. An infertile couple bought the infant but were found out
because they posted about becoming parents on that same forum. Now the
biological parents say their financial situation is better and they
want the baby back.
I can understand why the 'adoptive' parents were tempted to do what
they did, really I do. In their shoes, I would be sorely tempted too,
I think. There are close to zero newborns available for adoption
through regular channels here, open adoption doesn't exist (as far as
I know) ... But I can't bring myself to condone such a blatant
disregard for adoption procedures. But don't ask me who should get the
baby. In my view, there's no obvious right answer.

There's the story of the woman who offered her services as a surrogate
in an online forum, duped several couples into paying her for
inseminations, delivered twins without telling any of the couples she
was PG and sold them to someone else entirely, a 'friend' of hers. Her
motivation? Paying for plastic surgery.

There's the story of the surrogate who broke off all contact with the
prospective parents halfway through the pregnancy and sold the baby to
another couple behind their backs.

These stories make sad and angry at the unfairness.

In other news, I went to see my RE recently. He thinks my cycle is
regular enough to try an unmedicated FET. We have only one embryo in
the freezer, so I suppose our chances of making it to transfer are
only 50%. We can't move on to a fresh cycle without trying the FET
first, unless we want to pay for the cycle ourselves (no thanks). The
rule is 'empty the freezer first'. Sounds sensible enough, besides,
it'll be a gentle reintroduction to the whole circus.


At 09 December, 2008 14:34, Blogger Bronwyn said...

Kudos for not giving that woman a slap! I have found myself getting really annoyed at women who blather on about how baby boys are like this and girls are like that... by women who have no more than one of each and could not possibly make generalizations based on anything but circumstantial evidence.

Good stuff on the FET. Fingers crossed! I'm getting excited about our IVF trip (or as we've been calling it "Going to Prague to get a baby"). I'm really hoping that it doesn't take more than a couple of tries...

At 09 December, 2008 22:14, Blogger Heather said...

I agree with Bronwyn. You get a gold star for not decking her. Some people really just say the most unintelligent things!

Good luck with the FET!

At 11 December, 2008 00:08, Blogger beagle said...

I saved myself two entire days of infant care by adopting. So, I see her point (not!)

So, now I am dying to know what IC stands for . . . I have one rude guess!

Good Luck with your FET.

At 13 December, 2008 14:52, Blogger Aurelia said...

Yes, good luck with the FET. Interesting stories about the surrogacy and adoption....some people just don't get that there are real people who result at the end of all of this, do they?

So sad.

So how did the rule about emptying the freezer come to be? Are there exceptions for things like OHSS embryos which are rumoured to not be as good in quality? (Like I can see someone deciding to just let them melt and skip ahead and do a new cycle.)

At 29 December, 2008 00:13, Blogger Bea said...

P.S. Good luck with the FET.



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