Monday, December 15, 2008

More blogging fodder

Me: So do you have a boy or a girl?
FM: a little boy, 3 months old.
Me: I have a girl, just over a year old.
FM: oh, I would have preferred a girl.
FM2: Me too! But I have two boys.
FM3: I have a girl. And I would have loved to have a boy.
Me: Sigh.

FM4: My roommate in the maternity ward had just delivered her second
child, the result of her 20th PG. All the others had ended in M/C!
FM2: That's incredible. I can't imagine having to go through that.
FM1: Rather obsessive, if you ask me, that can't be healty.
Me: It's easy to think that if you haven't been there.
FM2: I wasn't suggesting it was crazy, but must be so hard to go through.
Me: Yes, of course it must be hard.

These women are normal. These reactions are normal. And it's good for
them that they have a place to air these feelings of disappointment in
not having had the boy/girl of their dreams. And the relief at not
being THAT women, normal.
But such conversations annoy me, and that is normal too. I keep a lid
on it, because I'm in the closet, and because I don't think the world
will adapt to my needs.

How long am I going to feel resentful? In all honesty, I think I'll
never get rid of it completely. Oh well.
Then again, much of the bitterness has left me already. It doesn't
hurt to see the children of my friends and family born within our
first year of TTC. Mostly, I forget that we could have had a child
that age, if only ... Thank goodness. One ex-IF patient (with 2
children after ART) said looking at the children of friends still
burned a hole in his heart (with no history of M/C).


At 16 December, 2008 07:49, Blogger Silver said...

I am still living with my past infertility and my boys are 3. It changes but it's still there. I hope with lots of time it will fade away.

At 16 December, 2008 23:17, Blogger Aurelia said...

Yeah, that could be me, there, for sure. I think you and I would relate a lot.

At 19 December, 2008 01:43, Blogger namaste said...

Wow, those women are annoying. I'm impressed you were able to bite your tongue. When will you be doing the FET?

At 21 December, 2008 01:45, Blogger Sparkle said...

Finally having a baby has been a great leveller ... talking easily about expanding the family - AHHH here we go again!

At 29 December, 2008 00:12, Blogger Bea said...

I am gasping at the adoption comment from the last post. You know, in some ways I think it's good that these comments continue to annoy. Keeps you from taking things for granted, and hopefully you will remind a few (fertile) others not to along the way. As long as it's not so strong as to burn holes in your heart every day.


At 05 January, 2009 10:25, Blogger Meg said...

It does stay. I know.

At 25 January, 2009 11:01, Blogger Sara said...

It still stings for me too. I think it always will.


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