Monday, December 15, 2008

More blogging fodder

Me: So do you have a boy or a girl?
FM: a little boy, 3 months old.
Me: I have a girl, just over a year old.
FM: oh, I would have preferred a girl.
FM2: Me too! But I have two boys.
FM3: I have a girl. And I would have loved to have a boy.
Me: Sigh.

FM4: My roommate in the maternity ward had just delivered her second
child, the result of her 20th PG. All the others had ended in M/C!
FM2: That's incredible. I can't imagine having to go through that.
FM1: Rather obsessive, if you ask me, that can't be healty.
Me: It's easy to think that if you haven't been there.
FM2: I wasn't suggesting it was crazy, but must be so hard to go through.
Me: Yes, of course it must be hard.


These women are normal. These reactions are normal. And it's good for
them that they have a place to air these feelings of disappointment in
not having had the boy/girl of their dreams. And the relief at not
being THAT women, normal.
But such conversations annoy me, and that is normal too. I keep a lid
on it, because I'm in the closet, and because I don't think the world
will adapt to my needs.

How long am I going to feel resentful? In all honesty, I think I'll
never get rid of it completely. Oh well.
Then again, much of the bitterness has left me already. It doesn't
hurt to see the children of my friends and family born within our
first year of TTC. Mostly, I forget that we could have had a child
that age, if only ... Thank goodness. One ex-IF patient (with 2
children after ART) said looking at the children of friends still
burned a hole in his heart (with no history of M/C).

Monday, December 08, 2008

Blogging fodder

Things are finally calming down at work. Now I have a load of chores
to catch up on at home, starting with all those piles of paperwork ...

I've started going to postnatal gym classes again. Before and after
class, there's the opportunity to chat with the other moms. Generally,
this is fun, except for the green monster lurking in the back of my
mind. And sometimes, it's plain blogging fodder.

Me: So how old is your baby?
IC: 3 months old.
Me: wow, that's still so small.
IC: Yes, and boy is an infant a lot of work!
Me: That's true. Mine is one year old, and it's a world of difference.
IC: We were actually considering adoption before, just to skip that
first year of infancy.
Me: (stunned silence).
Me: Adoption comes with its own complications.
IC: Yes.
Me: And it's expensive.
IC: Yes. In hindsight, we're glad we went for a biological baby. It is
much easier.
Me: (Yeah, for YOU it is).

I don't need to explain that this conversation annoyed me, right?
Wrong on so many levels. Don't ask me what IC stands for.

(In)fertility has been a hot topic in the news lately, and not in a good way.

There's the story of the impoverished couple who offered their unborn
child for sale because they were in financial trouble and couldn't
support a second child. They found buyers on a private surrogacy
forum. An infertile couple bought the infant but were found out
because they posted about becoming parents on that same forum. Now the
biological parents say their financial situation is better and they
want the baby back.
I can understand why the 'adoptive' parents were tempted to do what
they did, really I do. In their shoes, I would be sorely tempted too,
I think. There are close to zero newborns available for adoption
through regular channels here, open adoption doesn't exist (as far as
I know) ... But I can't bring myself to condone such a blatant
disregard for adoption procedures. But don't ask me who should get the
baby. In my view, there's no obvious right answer.

There's the story of the woman who offered her services as a surrogate
in an online forum, duped several couples into paying her for
inseminations, delivered twins without telling any of the couples she
was PG and sold them to someone else entirely, a 'friend' of hers. Her
motivation? Paying for plastic surgery.

There's the story of the surrogate who broke off all contact with the
prospective parents halfway through the pregnancy and sold the baby to
another couple behind their backs.

These stories make sad and angry at the unfairness.


In other news, I went to see my RE recently. He thinks my cycle is
regular enough to try an unmedicated FET. We have only one embryo in
the freezer, so I suppose our chances of making it to transfer are
only 50%. We can't move on to a fresh cycle without trying the FET
first, unless we want to pay for the cycle ourselves (no thanks). The
rule is 'empty the freezer first'. Sounds sensible enough, besides,
it'll be a gentle reintroduction to the whole circus.