Sunday, July 12, 2009

Silence is golden

A good friend of mine advised me to obsess less about my treatments, it makes me unhappy. Um yes, thanks.

That was a while ago. During my holiday, I managed to relax very nicely. Why not try to hang on to that. So I decided on a little experiment. If I don't talk/blog about a cycle, will that stop me from obsessing?

Quick answer: No.

I managed to push away thoughts about cycling while we were on holiday, up to when my period showed up. It was just in time to squeeze in a FET before the clinic closes for their summer break. So I called my RE and got an appointment.

Things went smoothly, after only 2 visits for bloodwork and U/S I was ready for transfer, conveniently scheduled in a weekend too! But would the mere 2 embryos we have in storage survive the thaw? As I fretted over this question all last week, I almost caved and posted, but I didn't.

Saturday I got the call from the lab (an anxious hour later than they had promised), "sorry, the embryos didn't survive". SIGH.

I asked the doctor if it was just bad luck or if it meant something. To which she replied that each embryo has only a 1 in 3 survival rate, it was just bad luck.
1 in 3?! I thought the statistic was supposed to be 1 in 2, in a good lab.

Whatever the truth, I now officially consider FETs to be an utter waste of time for us.

Some time in August we'll start our next fresh IVF cycle. Ample time to start considering (obsessively, of course) whether I should stick to a single embryo transfer or move on to two. If freezing = throwing away, then transferring two fresh ones sounds a whole lot more sensible. I felt some regret we hadn't done so when the last fresh IVF turned out to be a failure. But the thought of having twins scares me, a lot. The thought of losing twins to complications scares me more.

Oh, and next time someone tells me to stop obsessing so much, I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and singing LA-DI-LA-DI-DA. What do they know.


At 13 July, 2009 00:15, Blogger noela said...

Wow, what a super-helpful friend. *rolls eyes*

I'm sorry to hear that your embryos didn't survive the thaw. That sucks.

You already know what happened to our embryos in the thaw. The 2 good quality blasts DID survive, that just didn't seem to come through it that well. But they were viable (at time of transfer, at least).

The 2 six days were already crappy, so it's no surprise that they didn't make it.

But yeah, if the thaw success rate is 1 in 3 or 1 in 2, I'm surprised that our two 5 day blasts even made it through the thaw at all!

Good luck with your fresh cycle -- when do you think you'll do that?

At 13 July, 2009 11:12, Blogger Thalia said...

It's one of those incredibly unhelpful things people say when they are trying to be helpful. clueless.

Sorry to hear about the recent FET. Things just aren't ever easy, are they?

At 14 July, 2009 01:59, Blogger Bea said...

Hm, yes, one in three does seem a bit low... but the embryo attrition rates with FETs do tend to take your breath away a bit.

Stop obsessing, though? Uh, great, yeah. I guess it was worth the experiment.


At 14 July, 2009 06:31, Anonymous Anonymous said...

People who tell you to stop obsessing never had to make decisions like one embryo or two...

I have IVF twins BTW, not so bad :)

Good luck

At 14 July, 2009 08:10, Blogger Sparkle said...

Well 1 in 3 is one thing, but isn't this a 100% fail to thaw rate with your embies? Not trying to rub it in, but not a great strike rate from the clinic hey?
I thought the stats were higher anyway.

I think its good not to obsess in general too - but actually you are fighting a losing battle with IVF - when you spend your time clock-watching from starting a cycle to finding out scan/blood results, if embies have thawed, or if transfers have worked. The only antidote is to have a back up plan handy. Done.
Good luck.

At 17 July, 2009 15:51, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Wow Lut, I am so sorry :(
I kept checking your blog once in a while, but it seems you were really taking a break. I had no idea all this had happened. So so so very sorry about the thaw, and looking forward to following your cycle in August. Obsess about it all your want - we're right here obsessing with you.


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