S is for sigh
Thanks for all your kind words and support. I'm more than happy to let you guys hope for a miracle outcome for our upcoming FET.
Our thaw survival rate so far is 0 (granted, that's with a grand total of 3 embryos), which leaves me less than optimistic. To me, doing a FET is like airing the cupboards, or defrosting the freezer. A chore that must be done, but with little tangible results to show for the effort.
There's a fight going on between my mind and my emotions. My mind tells me to keep a level head. A regular fresh IVF cycle gives you a 1 in 3 chance, so we're still within normal parameters.
My emotions could care less about what the statistics say. I feel almost as panicked and bewildered as I did after our first failed IVF (total fertilization fiasco). My mind protests that the situation is entirely different, of course it is, but to little avail. I lie awake at night fretting over what to do next. Should I change clinic? How many more attempts should we do? Should I start talking about adoption with DH? Should I look into becoming a foster parent?
In reality, changing clinic is the only one of these options that I might actually explore in the near future. When we decide we're done, I want to know that I tried every available option. But in practice changing clinic will be a pain. I like my RE, and he's conveniently located. I don't have reason to expect much improvement from another clinic. Is a tiny bit more peace of mind worth all the effort? Because honestly, is it any more comforting to fail in two clinics in stead of one?
All of this does reinforce how much of a miracle (of medical science) Linnea is. So much, that I'm at a loss for words to describe it.
She's a willful little two-year old, she has a lot of attention for detail and constantly surprises us with all the things she can say.
My decision to temporarily cut back from work and spend more time with her was the best I made.