Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Ravenous

In brief: Feeling better. Temper, temper. Appetite.

Sunday I slept, Monday I slept, Tuesday I went back to work. I had a stomach bug of sorts I think.
Sleeping is a good way to pass the time.

Today, Linnea had a real temper tantrum. She wanted to go down the slide before leaving daycare, not once, not twice but ten times if she had her way.
Mean mommy wouldn't let her, daycare was closing and mommy was feeling very hungry. Linnea howled, she bucked in the stroller, escaped to rage some more in a corner, then sobbed while I sat her on my lap for comfort. When I tried the stroller again, she bucked some more, but this time I firmly (but still gently) strapped her in. After that she sulked for 5 minutes, but then happily started pointing out things to me on the way home. When I handed her some junk mail from our postbox, she gave me a big smile.

Then I rushed in the door, handed Linnea over to Dad and headed for the fridge. Must! Eat! Now! It reminded me of when I was PG with Linnea, I had frequent hunger attacks.
It's a symptom, I'm sure it is, of progesterone suppositories. I'm not waiting for signs, because I remember not having any last time.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Shivering and tired

Yesterday, I was feeling tired, but I thought it was a side effect of the progesterone pills.
Today, I could hardly make it out of bed and felt shivery. I'm getting a flu? Now?

The clinic advised me to take some medication to keep the fever down, other than that there is nothing I can do.
There goes my sense of hope for this cycle.

On the large scale of things, a minor event. I've been reading about the threat of a real influenza outbreak and it scares me, a lot. Not to mention all the other alarming reports on the news about the state of the world. I'd like to hide Linnea somewhere safe, but there's nowhere to go.

I'll go to bed now before I bring everyone down.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

2w 3d?

Transfer went smoothly. One top-quality embryo was transferred. The embryologist told me it was a beautiful 8 cell that had just started compacting.
No screens, so I'll have to take her word for it.

2 other embryo's have been put in the freezer. 3 out of 6 embryos is a good rate, I suppose. I don't know the statistics on this one. There's a chance I could get a FET out of that, 2x 50% chance. Unfortunately, that doesn't make a 100% chance of making it to transfer, but that's as far as my mathematical skills go. Anyway I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

For the next two weeks I'm going to practice "just relax" and "don't think about it too much", while being reminded by progesterone suppositories 3x a day and stressing about whether I should have eaten this or drunk that in those few hours that I actually do forget. Carpaccio and red wine anyone?

Today, at least, I can say I'm 2w and 3d PG. Tomorrow, anything goes.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

54,5454...%

That is our fertilization rate, meaning we have 6 embryo's swimming in a lab dish.
A perfectly average fertilization rate, I believe. Excellent.

On Saturday I go back for transfer, if all goes well. My suggestion that none might make it that far was brushed away by the receptionist, "very unlikely". Statistically speaking, and in light of our last cycle, she's probably right. Still, it's what my main worry will be until then.

The current plan is to transfer one. My doctor proposed a single embryo transfer, and I agree. The thought of twins still scares me too much.
There are rules on how many you can transfer back in a cycle paid for by national health care. These rules are intended to cut the rate of multiples born out of ART.
As is so often the case, the rules are a bit foggy at times. Depending on how you read them, I might be allowed to transfer two top quality embryo's this time, or I might only be allowed to transfer 2 if they are of moderate quality, or transferring 2 might be prohibited (meaning I would have to pay for the cycle myself). The criteria are age (under 36 years of age) and the number of previous attempts. The problem lies in what counts as a previous attempt. Our first cycle didn't result in any embryo's, so no transfer could be attempted. Our second cycle was successful, so is it still an "attempt" strictly speaking?

Oh well, it doesn't really matter as long as we go through with the single embryo transfer. It's a gamble and I might regret it later, but that's just the way it is.

The weather has warmed a bit here and Linnea is having a ball playing with water outside.
She's also become very good at clambering on chairs, which always has me holding my breath, will she fall off? Ditto with stairs.
Finally, she has started to try eating with a spoon by herself. And when she's done eating, she likes to spoonfeed me. Hilarious, she giggles with every bite! At daycare, they seem to expect 18 month-olds to eat independantly, but she was still more than happy to be fed.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Eleven

Eleven eggs were retrieved this morning. That's quite a few stragglers!
That's one hurdle well cleared. Now for the rest.

My fear that all the follicles would have popped on their own before retrieval has not come true.
Now I'm afraid they'll forget to do ICSI, to the point that I called the clinic to check whether it was noted in my file. It was noted, the receptionist told me kindly.
On to the next source of anxiety.

Luckily, Linnea is around to distract me, and she's doing an excellent job.

To be continued ...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Telegram

Trigger shot in tonight. Medication-free day tomorrow. Retrieval on Wednesday.
A few stragglers showed up on U/S this morning. Excellent. Still anxious about next hurdles.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A batch of 7

In brief: 7 follicles. Good.

Today's U/S showed a batch of 7 follicles. My mind says that is ok, and that I should be pleased.
Pleased isn't how I would describe my feelings.

Greed: I want more.
Relief: there is response!
Anxiety: is it enough to make it to transfer, and dare I hope, for the freezer?
Impatience: faster!

Pleased is what I'd feel if I get to take home a live healthy baby (another, gasp, such greed!).
Scrap that, I'd feel euphoric.

Physically, I'm doing fine. I have a hint of headache now and then (dehydration or the meds?). I feel slightly bloated, but it's somehow reassuring that something is going on in there.

No more worries about timing though, the meeting abroad was cancelled. Yippie.

Linnea is starting to say a few words. Finally, she said Mommy, though sometimes I wonder if she knows what she's saying.
Other words are daddy, car, walk, apple.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Here we go

Last week I finished the 6 weeks of BCP and had the baseline U/S. All was quiet in there so by now I might have been stimming, if only there were no such thing as doctors taking holidays. I can start this Thursday, finally.

What are the odds of me needing only 8 days of stims? This would put the trigger shot on Friday 17th of June April. In that scenario, I would be able to attend a work thing abroad.

My guess is the odds are close to zero. With Gonal-F, I only stimmed for 8 days. With Menopur, I needed just under 2 weeks!

Oh well, work things can be postponed or worked around, usually.

First checkup next week on Wednesday.

Tell me why this rubs me the wrong way:
You know, if this attempt doesn't work, you shouldn't let it get you down too much. After all, normal couples don't always get PG at once either.

Of course, it would be handy if it were like water falling off a ducks back with failed attempts. Not in this lifetime. Sigh.

You've gotta fight, for your right, to feel blue!

ETA: Oops, I did mean 17th of April, not June!!!