Saturday, October 31, 2009

Much better

In brief: 1 top quality embryo transferred. Exhale.


I slept fitfully last night and woke up early. The trip to the clinic - on my own - was a nervous one. I kept expecting the call to tell me there was no need for me to come in after all.
When it didn't come, I thought they might have forgotten to call me.

One step in the door, so to speak, I asked a kind nurse to check for me. What a relief when she told there would be a transfer!

The transfer procedure was uneventful, if a bit uncomfortable (me there early, them behind schedule makes for a longer time with full bladder) and slightly embarrassing (are lab assistants bound by medical secrecy, because my privates feel rather unprivate right now).

Of the three embryos, two were of top quality and 1 of not-good quality. 1 top quality embryo was transferred, the other is now in the freezer (hopefully with the ambition of being The One that Survives the Thaw). I called my RE yesterday to discuss transferring one or two. He advised us to stick with the plan, and decide based upon quality. The somewhat low maturity rate of this batch, nor my flu-like symptoms (with no fever to speak of) shouldn't make us change our mind, he felt. So, DH and I decided to stick to the plan.

I must say, 2 good embryos out of a total of 3 is astonishing to me. I hadn't dared hope. Then again, not daring to hope has been my motto in all things reproductive since 2005.

I just hope that I didn't promptly eject the defenseless little embryo in the coughing fit I had just ten minutes after transfer. I believe I read somewhere that that isn't possible, but then why do they make you lie down afterwards for half an hour when all you want is to go to the bathroom?

Now back to what I've been practicing so much, crossing my fingers and twiddlng my thumbs. Care to join me?

Meanwhile, thanks for all your kind words of support, I needed those.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

A little low

I just got the phone call from the clinic, earlier than expected. Only 5 eggs were mature out of 11, which isn't fabulous. Of those 5, only 3 fertilized with ICSI.
3 out of 5 isn't bad, but 3 out of 11 isn't good either. I'm a little disappointed.

There's no obvious explanation for the low maturity rate. The lab was surprised because the eggs let go of the follicles easily during retrieval, which suggests maturity.

At least 3 isn't 0. We still have a chance. In the cycle that led to Linnea's birth, we only had 2 embryo's at this stage (out of 6 eggs retrieved in total).

Still, I can't help but seeing it as a bad sign. Fingers crossed we have something to transfer on Saturday. And if (big if, knock on wood, sprinkle salt, etc.) there is more than one left, perhaps we should rethink our decision on how many to transfer.

Now, I'm back off to bed, because the flu-like symptoms are still here.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bakers dozen

There were 13 follicles which yielded 11 good eggs and two unusable eggs. That's about the same as the last times on this protocol.

Retrieval went ok. The hardest part was getting stuck a whole 4 times to get the IV in. I came very close to fainting, but managed to hang on.
Once the twilight sedation kicked in, I was completely out of it. The next thing I remember is being wheeled back to the ward. Last times, I remained somewhat conscious during the procedure.
Perhaps it's the flu, or perhaps they were a bit too generous with the anesthetic.

Tomorrow, I'll get a fertilization report. I'm a bit anxious, but that's to be expected.

I asked my RE about the impact of having the flu. He said it might knock a few percent off our chances, but didn't warrant cancellation. In our case, freezing everything isn't an alternative, considering our thawing problems.

Nothing is a given. The couple in the 'room' next to us were very unlucky. The woman had only 3 follicles, two of which had ovulated on their own and the third egg was of bad quality. Not having a chance to transfer is bad enough, not having anything to fertilize is even worse. Now they don't even know if that's where the problem lies. Very sad.

All I can do is keep my fingers crossed.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Auntie Flu

Yesterday I felt fine, today I feel like I'm on the brink of a nice flu. Just what I needed, an objective reason to undermine my hope for a good outcome.
The clinic didn't advise me to cancel though, just to take some anti-flu medications. And in any case, better me with the flu, than DH again. Knock on wood.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Right about ... now

In brief: retrieval on Wednesday, wow, already!

This weekend I compared notes from my first IVF cycles to figure out when retrieval might be, I concluded it would be on Friday, most likely.
Today's bloodwork says otherwise apparently, my retrieval is on Wednesday (early morning).

It caught me by surprise a bit, though I'm glad it's sooner rather than later. The stimulation phase went well, much like it did last times, and I can't say I've been overly preoccupied by it. With retrieval starts a much more stressful phase for me. Will there be any embryos? Will there be one good one? And most importantly will it stick? There is reason to hope, but no certainty of any sort.

The logistics have been taken care of. Linnea will be staying over at her grandparents. I won't take her to the clinic (as someone suggested I might, and yes an IF vet!) unless there absolutely is no other alternative available.

All that's left for me to do is take my trigger shot at the right time. And not forget to mix the powder in the solvent ... otherwise this attempt is down the drain.
(I've heard of this happening, though it hasn't yet happened to me, knock on wood).


Friday, October 23, 2009

Well, glad that's sorted!

In brief: 2 PG announcements this week! I'm envious, very much so. Forgive the rant.


A good while ago I visited a good friend of mine, a fertile myrtle but I don't hold it against her. 
She had just had an early miscarriage and was understandably sad about that. And truly, I was and am sorry for her loss.
At the same time, a little voice in me said she'd still be having a baby before me.

Last week, I decided I really ought to get in touch with her again, after all I know what reproductive setbacks feel like.
She'd always supported me to the best of her ability.

Of course, she's PG. OF COURSE!  Sure, I'm very happy for her, but a part of me wishes I didn't know.

I had almost convinced myself that I'm being silly, thinking that our cycle is now doomed for certain.
Too bad I opened my FB account today, because I was slapped in the face by ultrasound pics from another friend of mine.

So glad that's sorted, I have found the friend-who-gets-PG-for-free-while-I-go-through-great-lenghts-to-achieve-the-same. Wait, I have two FWGPFFWIGTGLTATS (doesn't that pack much more punch than ARGH?). And I was feeling so calm before this news arrived.

I know, I know, it's not rational to think this way. This isn't logic speaking, this is looming panic. Sure it worked once, but that doesn't guarantee anything. And there's an end to the amount of cycles we'll do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll find my calm again.


The good news is that so far things are progressing well. Next check-up on Monday.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Faux tweet

Am too lazy to figure out how to tweet, but can write short messages:
Checkup this morning went well, Left 6, Right 3, continue same dose, back to doc on Friday.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Two!

Linnea turned 2 yesterday! We had a small party amongst family, which was nice. Linnea was overwhelmed with all the gifts and the attention. Ironically, what she enjoyed most was playing with some really old hot wheels cars with her nephews.

Linnea is a lively little girl, very curious about everything and learning new words every day. She loves to hear me sing and also to sing herself, though her lyrics are often wildly inaccurate (very funny!). She's not so good at recognizing colors yet, she just says one almost at random. On the other hand, we think she understands what the number two means. Just in time.

With her to love, it shouldn't matter whether we ever manage to have another child. And, for large parts of every day, it doesn't.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Lets roll

In Brief: we're going ahead with IVF nr. 4.

After consulting with the clinic, we decided to go ahead with the cycle. My husband was ill the whole weekend, but he dutifully took his fever suppressants and the fever didn't get very high (I guess).
For better or for worse, we're not postponing.

This morning I had my baseline u/s, and all was fine. Tomorrow I start the injections.

Meawhile there's a babyboom going on at work (am I repeating myself?). Two babies were born this week, and two more are on the way. I became an aunt again a few weeks ago and a friend of mine is due any day now. It doesn't hurt as much as before, not by a long shot. Still, the old window of opportunity thought still haunts me.

Luckily, I can reread the 21 (?!) comments from that post to talk it out of my head again. This bloggity thing is really practical, come to think of it.

Does anyone else feel they become more self-absorbed when cycling? I do and I am.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Hot stuff

Just as I'm counting down the last couple of days before I get to start my meds, DH develops a fever.
And yes, this is deja vu (see what happened in February of this year).

The fever doesn't seem as high as last time to me, but I can only guestimate. We don't own a grown-up thermometer, didn't then and still don't (mental note: get one for next time).
I suppose it doesn't really matter all that much exactly how high the fever is.

So, do we postpone or not. I really, really dislike the idea of waiting some more and doing nothing. But then again, do I want to go through all the hassle of a cycle all the while doubting the quality of DH's contribution (to put it euphemistically)?
A delay of 8 weeks would put retrieval at the end of November and (knock on wood) the 2WW in the beginning of December. Just before the holiday season is not the very best of timing, but the alternative is waiting even longer until January.

If I needed reminding why I resent IF ...