Saturday, January 30, 2010

Adoption, she wrote

Remember how we registered for adoption a mere two weeks ago? I thought a confirmation letter would be the last we'd hear of it for 2010, and much of 2011.
Not so. We were invited to attend a (compulsory) introductory meeting. This week, past Tuesday!

I was very excited to go, nervous too. They're handing out babies, and I might get one!* What's not to be enthusiastic about?

Odd, to feel so elated, because I expected a speech covering "10 Reasons  Why You Shouldn't Start the Adoption Procedure". It wasn't quite that bad.

I was pleased to learn that the agency accepts that people continue ART while they're in the first phase of the adoption procedure (the educational phase).  This will take a year - waiting for the course - and then attending the course over a period of time.
Once you put yourself on the list to be matched, they insist you don't combine with ART, which makes sense to me. I grumbled though, when the agency rep joked that of course that's when couples suddenly fall PG. After all, this IF stuff is partly between the ears, surely.

What everyone in the room really wanted to know is how long will it take?  It depends on the birth moms of course, but statistics say they prefer young married couples, no (bio) kids, with a nice house plus garden. Such couples wait 3 years on average (from registering).
Of that list we can tick of married and that's about it. Young? Certainly no longer by the time our profile would be up for viewing. And I have no regrets about not fulfilling the other criteria, except the house with garden perhaps.

If the tables were reversed, I think that profile would be top of my list too. Probably I would sympathize more with childless couples. Also, there's that worry about the adoptive child taking second place. If you're making that heart-wrenching decision to place your child, you'd want it to be placed in the - in your eyes - ideal family. No?

One couple asked about their odds. Her - 2 children from a previous marriage - and him - 0 children so far - with an understandable desire to have a child together. The agency rep answered honestly, but bluntly, that their odds are pretty much zero. His advice was to try international adoption.

I didn't dare ask about ours odds, but I reckon they're not much better. The thing is, there are about 10 times as many candidate adoptive parents registering every year then there are children up for placement in a year.
Frankly, the odds don't matter right now. All that matters is that the possibility is there.

Besides, once you go for adoption, you get PG, right? RIGHT?
 
* I'll just go ahead and offend the enlightened adoption crowd from the get go, get it over and done with. I realize very well that I'm not ready to adopt, right here, right now. Good thing then that I have years to prepare.

3 Comments:

At 30 January, 2010 20:20, Blogger My Reality said...

The agency rep needs to get it right. Adoption cures infertility after placement, not while waiting.

It is a start.

 
At 03 February, 2010 18:09, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I'm amazed how difficult it is to adopt domestically in most countries. Frustrating, to say the least.

 
At 10 February, 2010 12:01, Blogger Bea said...

It's definitely not good odds for you. I do think it's good (generally speaking) that people aren't placing their children for adoption unless they are really ok with it - or at least hopefully that's what it indicates.

I guess we'll see where the possibility leads.

Bea

 

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