Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A mile in their shoes

Today, I still felt a bit giddy from yesterday's events. We made it to
transfer! Transfer of two blasts! Wow!

Thanks for all your well wishes! It's still very liberating to share
with people who get it (and forgive the mixed feelings).

Speaking of which ...

The last two times I was enjoying the clinic's hospitality, I happened
to share a room with couples who got bad news about their cycle.
Though it would be nice to offer these strangers some sympathy, I
think offering them the pretense of privacy is more important at that
time. In other words, I'm too shy to say anything.

Yesterday my neighbors surprised me first by saying hi when they
entered. Privacy was not a concern, they didn't draw the curtain
between the beds, which didn't bother me. All the more to satisfy my
curiosity with, and I wasn't keen to manouver out of the bed in my
flimsy gown.

The woman dutifully changed into the hospital gown, only to be snapped
by her adoring husband with his camera, a gesture that made her smile.
Excuse me? My husband would know not to try that, if it would even
occur to him. But different people handle stress in different ways.

The couple was acting all lovey dovey in general, which is also not
how we interact under the stress of cycling. First-timers perhaps?

The women struck up a conversation, and confirmed that it was their
first time. But they weren't trying for a first child. They had grown
sons together and had recently decided they wanted to try again for a
girl (IVF to circumvent tied tubes). I was dumbstruck, to be honest. I
found it very, very hard to imagine being in their shoes.

Part of me - the bad part - went straight into snark mode. Yep,
tourists in the land of IVF, seeing the sights, getting the t-shirts,
tasting the quaint life style of the poor natives.
Instantly, I felt a pang of jealousy for the fertility they once had.

Part of me - the not so bad part - thought it was a romantic thing to
do together as a couple, more so than booking a world cruise or buying
a flashy car.

I plucked up the courage to ask about the 50% chance of having another
son. It had worked for others, they said, and hoped it would work out
for them, but a son would of course be welcome.

The couple wished me good luck and I wished them the same - and I
meant it - though I was still puzzled by their shoes.


At 21 April, 2010 01:36, Blogger Sara said...

Oh my! That is a strange encounter indeed. I also have trouble working up sympathy for people who are sterile because they sterilized themselves on purpose after having children, but I suppose this couple wasn't actually asking for sympathy, so that's not really relevant here. Still, definitely an odd situation. Well, I hope it works out for them, whatever that means in this case.

At 21 April, 2010 01:56, Blogger Winnifred said...

wow those are interesting shoes!

My aunt & uncle adopted when their daugthers were 16 & 18 -- because they really wanted more children and his vas. reversal didn't work. They didn't go down the IVF route, but they could have... I was 18 at the time -- LONG before I knew we'd deal with any kind fertility shit --- and thought it was odd that after that many years they couldn't just 'get over it' or just 'deal with the fact that they took their own fertility away...'

Now, I'm nearly 31, have two amazing kids (3 1/2 yr old twins, ivf) and I get the fact that they couldn't 'get over it' because I know that I wouldn't be getting over it either. I can't. It's hormonal and it's a bitch!!

(but I too would have felt like you sitting in that room, slightly jealous that once upon a time they simply decided to have kids and had them. And then annoyed because the reason they're sitting there is THEIR 'fault' -- vs cases like us where nature interfered...)

(wow. long rant, I appologize!)

At 23 April, 2010 13:07, Blogger Sparkle said...

Fingers crossed for you.
Transfer of two blasts is pretty awesome.

At 23 April, 2010 17:06, Blogger Krista said...

Good luck! And funny encounter. We were pretty lovely during the process (not physically lovely, but he was there the whole time holding my hands and we talked a lot) but if he had dared snap a picture in a hospital gown I would have freaked.

Possibly because they have never had fertility problems before, they don't expect them now. IVF is just an inconvenience because of the tied tubes but they probably haven't really imagined the possibility of this not working.

At 24 April, 2010 15:16, Blogger Bea said...

Slightly more than 50% chance, apparently (according to one study). Some women are good at attracting male sperm, some are better at attracting female sperm. If they have a history of boys, statistically, the odds of another boy are slightly greater than 50%, because she has a demonstrated ability to make boys. (Of course, in reality, still approx 50%, and if using ISCI, anyone's guess, although possibly justasmidge greater chance of a male if they conceive from a fresh cycle with or without ISCI. So I am just full of trivia tonight.)

I think Krista is right. I have heard it said from someone who used IVF for PGD (heritable disease) rather than inability to conceive that she really didn't expect it not to work. They could get pregnant on their own, after all, and had done once before. They especially didn't think they'd have to have upwards of half a dozen transfers. I wonder what they would have said if you'd asked them about the chance of it not working at all? Probably too much of a downer thing to say...

On the other hand... yay! Two blasts! I am feeling very hopeful for you.


At 25 April, 2010 02:29, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thought of it not working has probably never crossed their minds. Sigh. To only be that naive. Or perhaps in this case, ignorance is bliss.

I hope the blasts are doing their thing. In a good way.


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