Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Third time's the charm?

Persistence wins - a well-meaning friend suggested. We all know this
simply isn't true. Overcoming isn't a question of just persistence,
but also a lot of luck.

Three failed fresh transfers feels like a significant number.
Significant in the sense that there is a lesson to learn: admit
I feel like our luck - with ART - has run out a long time ago, but I'm
only now realizing it.

Not that I'm ready to actually stop at this point. Given the waiting
times at Bigger Clinic, we'll probably have to wait until autumn. But
I have made an appointment to set the wheels in motion.

I don't remember where I read it, but - if memory serves - the
statistics say that the odds of success with IVF take a serious dive
after 6 fresh transfers. If that's true, it makes sense to try at
least once more.

My mind is going in circles. Is it just bad luck? Is there a new
problem - scar tissue, infection, bad egg quality, ...? Are there
things we can test for? All things to ask at the consult.

How am I coping emotionally? Work is keeping me very busy this week,
first a day of training, then a big presentation and in two days a big
meeting. But whenever my mind wanders I feel sad and defeated.

As of today, I'm back on preggo-watch at work. I got a friendly
warning that a colleague has recently started TTC for her first (at 35
not a minute too soon either), and I presume another will start trying
for her second soon. Of course I wouldn't wish our struggle on either
of them, yet it hurts to watch from the sidelines.

Right now it hurts a lot.


At 04 May, 2010 22:30, Blogger serenity said...

I don't know, Lut. Yes, some of the questions you can ask of your doctor, but I expect they'll wonder, too. For all the posturing we do about the science behind it all, success in IVF really is an art, not a science. It's a lot of luck and statistics sometimes.

I'm not sure three failures means full on defeat, but your doctor would know better than me.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about you and sending you good thoughts.


At 04 May, 2010 23:35, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Lut, I'm sorry - I just saw your news now.
I wouldn't give up yet but then again I probably wouldn't ever give up (I told myself I would at 45 and if all of my frozones were gone).
Take Care Lut

At 05 May, 2010 00:12, Anonymous Kath said...

Oh, Lut, how I can imagine your thoughts are going in circles right now. The situation is so maddening -- is there a reason, or is this random? How much more persistence is going to be demanded of you? And then the gearing up for another cycle, and the pregnancy announcements -- how I wish I could do something for you, my dear, other than be terribly sad and frustrated with you. You've been in my thoughts so much. XO

At 05 May, 2010 00:29, Blogger Sara said...

Dearest Lut, I am so freaking sorry that you have to think about any of this. Preggo-watch at work is just insult to injury. Ugh.

Most of the studies that I've read have considered a "full course" of IVF treatment to be 6 rounds, for what it's worth.

At 05 May, 2010 03:19, Anonymous Orodemniades said...

Damn, I really thought #3 was going to be it. I'm so sorry you have to do preggo watch, too...never rains but it pours, eh.

At 06 May, 2010 00:36, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know if there really are any answers as to why this works sometimes and doesn't others. It is a huge crap shoot. I hope the odds fall in your favour next time.

At 07 May, 2010 22:30, Anonymous statia said...

I'm so sorry, Lut. I wish there was some wise advice, but as you know, you sometimes are reliant on instinct. I mean, yes, ask tons of questions, but I think only you know when you're ready to throw in the towel if it has to come to that.

Take care of yourself.

At 10 May, 2010 00:41, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm so sorry it didn't work, and so sorry I'm so late, I hadn't seen your posts. It's just always, always so very very sad.

I'm with serenity, there is still a lot of art, guesswork with IVF. And it is a numbers game. If there is a 20% chance every time, it sadly doesn't follow that there is a 60% chance after 3 cycles.

Do what works for you. You don't need to decide what happens after an autumn cycle until you get there.


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