Friday, September 24, 2010

Hopeless ... or hopefree?

After watching my phone not ring all afternoon, and then all but
suffering a meltdown while I listen to the on-hold music as the
clinic's closing hour creeps near ... I get the following message:

Hcg still rising, but not enough to hope for a good outcome. Schedule
an U/S next week to figure out what is going on. And bloodwork too.

The teensy bit of hope that had crept back in, evaporated instantly.
There's just no way this is going to have a happy ending. And if
that's true, I just want it over and done with.

Technically I don't have an appointment, but I'll head on to my RE on
Monday anyway.

Unless I'm mistaken, I would be 6w2d along on Monday (4 weeks and 2
days after retrieval). Remind me, would you expect to see a heart
beating then in a viable PG? I'd look it up, but I'm too peeved.


At 24 September, 2010 21:28, Blogger Thalia said...

You would, but it's also not diagnostically robust if you don't, they make you come back in another week to check, and if none then, think they would allow you a D&E or whatever you choose.

I'm so sorry, sweetie, this is not the way we all hoped it would be.

At 24 September, 2010 21:52, Blogger serenity said...

Thalia's right - that's what they'd do at my clinic too.

I'm so sorry, Lut. I was very much hoping you'd get a break.


At 24 September, 2010 22:24, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too was wishing so much for a better message.
But having been there, I know there's no such thing as hopefree. It's a miserable interval, and I'm sorry you have to live it.
I hope your Linnea makes the weekend bearable.

At 24 September, 2010 22:54, Blogger Bea said...


Also, what Thalia said. You can dig up that one-in-a-million I-had-dodgy-betas-and-no-heartbeat-on-first-scan-but-now-have-a-live-baby story, but you have to go a long way. With Jester, they continued monitoring until the hCG actually started to drop, to make sure (although I'm sure I could have pushed, but in hindsight I'm glad I followed through). I was kind of hoping this wouldn't turn into one of those cases - you're right, quick is best if it's got to be over - but we'll wait and see what happens on Monday.


At 24 September, 2010 23:28, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I'm so sorry - clear answers are so much easier to deal with, even if they're the wrong answers.

Thinking of you and sending hugs.

At 24 September, 2010 23:35, Blogger Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I wish it was clear instead of swirling directionless in this grey area...

I'm thinking of you guys.

At 25 September, 2010 03:02, Blogger Sara said...

I didn't see the heartbeat at 6w with Eggbert, but it was there at 7w. (My RE did say that she thought that maybe she saw something at 6w, but she admitted that she couldn't be sure, and I couldn't see a thing.)

I'm so sorry that things aren't looking good. I have had high hopes for you all along, but I admit that the latest is deflating, at best.


At 25 September, 2010 03:54, Blogger Roccie said...

Dear Lut. I am so sorry. I dread the appointments to come in the next few days for you.

It has been so long.

I am so very sorry.

At 25 September, 2010 04:06, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry, Lut. I was so hoping for different news.

At 25 September, 2010 04:50, Blogger Krista said...

Crap. Limbo is the worst possible outcome and waiting with this sort of news is excruciating. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope your sweet daughter is able to distract you.

At 26 September, 2010 15:10, Anonymous Mrs. Hope said...

I'm so, so sorry. I hate this beta hell nonsense - a simple positive or negative is really much easier to deal with.

You could see a heartbeat at 6w2d, but you also might not. More telling at this point is the presence (or I suppose absence) of a yolk sac and fetal pole.

Thinking of you.

At 26 September, 2010 21:14, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was so hoping for something other than this Lut. I'm sorry.

At 27 September, 2010 05:55, Blogger Roccie said...

Thinking of you tomorrow and in the days to follow.


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