Don't pine, be happy
Guess what! It's time to chalk up another one, a PG colleague at work.
If I were keeping points, this would be a great one. She announced her
last PG just when we started TTC again and delivered not so long ago
(to my mind, but it must be MONTHS ago). Just last week she announced
she's expecting again. An oops PG, naturally.
Firing off my inner mad cackling laughter (the one they use in B
movies) - a way to quickly discharge some of the emotions - hasn't
worked. I can't get more than a little chuckle going in my head. Very
It leaves me to continue watching my prime suspects for the next
announcement AND wondering who else is going to surprise me at work.
Life goes on, get over it - I know.
-- added to the draft a few days later
Pathetic. It's pathetic to still feel consumed by envy like this.
It's like owning a slick Mercedes, but still pining for the
Lamborghini I can't have.
No matter how many times I tell myself to stop pining and just be
happy with the great fortune I have, I can't help it. Today, I'm
-- back to the original
Lately, I've been tossing the idea of quitting ART around in my head.
Not now, but soon-ish.
I hate the idea. Sure, I could do without the treatments and the
disappointments. But it would mean ending on a question mark. Would it
have worked if we had given it another shot? If it worked once, why
not again ... eventually.
Quitting ART is also rather final. Basically, it means defining
ourselves as a single-child family*. That will take some processing.
Eventually, I'm sure I'll make my peace with it.
The prospect of giving up is what's making me so sensitive to PG
announcements right now. I do hope the belly-envy isn't going to stay
around for good, at least not this intense.
What I need to do is push it out of my mind for now. Toss the thought
back into a corner of my mind, wait and see what next time brings.
Easier said then done.
*The adoption is a long, long, long shot.