In brief: The cycle is chugging along. (Un)suitable surroundings for a
So, have I managed to push this cycle to the back of my mind? Yes and no.
I've certainly been fretting over the details of this attempt less
than previous times. Not because I'm hopeful, more because I feel I'm
engaged in an exercise in futility. Why even try to drum up any form
of enthusiasm for it?
At the same time, I am preoccupied by the whole thing. I can't
concentrate much on anything else, because I'm waiting. I'm waiting
for the final verdict on this attempt.
Dread is closer to the truth, then expectation though.
I'd give Linnea some extra cuddles, but she's off vacationing with her
grandparents. I'm counting the days till she's back.
The adoption people gave me a welcome boost though. They notified us
we've moved up on the waiting list a bit (still measuring in years
though). For some reason, that letter makes me smile each time I think
Now for some anecdote.
For Monday's u/s and blood draw, I had to go to another clinic then
the one I usually go to because I was out of town. The experience was
noteworthy (read: blogging fodder).
You know your fertility clinic is a small operation when:
- it is located smack in the middle of the maternity ward.
- the waiting room for the fertility clinic is also the designated
room for BF moms.
- the OR for retrieval is located across the hall from the delivery rooms.
Salt in the wounds? Why not some sulphuric acid!
I can just see how this came to be. The hospital administrators get
into a meeting room and plan the layout of their various departments.
Well they're all gynaecologists aren't they, and they all use u/s
machines and have stirrups on the beds right? Lets stick 'em all
I could all but hear the soon-to-be moms labouring in childbirth down
the hall, as I watched the soon-to-be dads pace the hall outside the
Before Linnea, going there for treatments would have shattered me
utterly. I can imagine myself going to pieces during a retrieval,
being within earshot of the first wails of the newborns. Now, it left
me a bit disheveled, and bewildered at the thoughtlessness of the
I can think of some other insensitive locations for a fertility clinic:
- an orphanage (with kids not up for adoption) or foster home.
- a family planning centre
Any other suggestions?