Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Educated guesses

Today I went to see my RE (Local Clinic, the doc I've been seeing for years).
I wanted to talk about what comes next - a bit too soon, given we're
still mid-FET - but I like to plan ahead.

In brief, this is the gist:
- I'm thinking of pulling the plug, and I'm right to do so.
- doing one or two more fresh cycles is reasonable, but beyond that ...
- considering alternatives is a good idea (donor, adoption).

You could say I got the donor-talk, but more accurate is that I invited it.
I admitted I'm losing hope and constantly wondering whether the time
to quit has come - though I don't feel ready to throw in the towel
We've taken the first steps on the long, long path to adoption (3+
years to go - at least). I told him I was considering embryo donation
as an option.

We talked about the previous cycles, the numbers and the outlook for
the near future. Not stellar - he brought it more gently - but that
was the message.
Not impossible either, because there's no clear-cut cause for our
failures either. We're unexplained all over again.

The RE suspects that most likely, there's an egg problem. The early
m/c could be an indication of that - or not. The good day 3 embryos
turning into mediocre day 5 embryos might support this - or not.
There's just no way of knowing for sure.
What is for certain is that with a young (preferably proven) donor's
eggs, the odds of success would be much better.

Lots to think about.

Is the longing still that strong - he asked at some point.
Yes. (Close to tears there, but this time it passed.)

Hearing someone else say there's little reason for optimism was hard -
even though it's how I feel myself. I wouldn't have believed him, if
he'd have told me it would all work out - no problem, how could I?


At 22 February, 2011 22:48, Blogger serenity said...

Yeah, there's no leaving that sort of meeting feeling GOOD, is there? If he were sunshine and roses, you'd be suspicious. But hearing there's not a lot to be optimistic too - essentially saying "you're right" - well, yeah, that's hard too.

I'm sorry, Lut. I wish it were easier for you.



At 23 February, 2011 01:37, Blogger Reba said...

doctors are often so blunt. i know they realize it's our lives they're talking about, but sometimes it doesn't feel like they do. i wish it were easier.

At 23 February, 2011 03:19, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think I would have had warm fuzzy feelings after leaving that appointment.

At 23 February, 2011 12:31, Blogger Bea said...

It's so hard, because he can only give odds, and then you have to decide what odds are worth the gamble. It's doubly hard, because without an explanation, you can't really say for sure what sort of changes might help those odds. I'm glad the doctor was frank. I just don't know if it makes your decision much easier.


At 23 February, 2011 15:14, Blogger Sara said...

Ugh. It's hard to hear it all laid out like that. I never got to have that WTF appointment, but I found it so hard to face that there would never be certainty. There wasn't any definitive reason to think that the next cycle wouldn't work, but the probability was low. It would be so easy if the doctors could just say "X$, Y months, and Z cycles will get you a baby, is it worth it to you?" But when the reality is that X$, Y months, and Z cycles may or may not get you a baby, it's so hard to know what to do.

Good luck figuring out what comes next. Of course I'm still hoping that it won't come to that. Good luck with the FET.

At 24 February, 2011 02:35, Blogger Roccie said...

You are a long way from having to take that step Lut. It doesnt mean that you dont feel it staring you in the face.

I hope our stories do not end up more similar than they already are. It was hard for me to get to the point of DE acceptance, but once I made the choice my own vs. dictated by an RE, it felt much better. It seems as though you have taken the initiative already.

Always available to talk, you know.

At 24 February, 2011 19:01, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a crystal ball, the course would be clear, no?
I remember hating all the stats and HATED hearing the Drs take on our chances of success. It's either a 0 or a 1 - the stats matter if there are 3,000 of your all undergoing a number of attempts, otherwise they really don't mean anything for the individual. So I'm not sure how anyone can possibly base their choices on the general "stats".
The individual stats are another thing though, aren't they? I can understand your dubious stance - such was mine for several years. I do still hope for you because of my personal experience (heck, if I manage what I did, I would hestiate to give up hope on anyone but again, that isn't based on the stats).
You know I have the frozones but I doubt that you would be interested - old broad, history of miscarriage - doesn't sound like much of a deal, does it? (especially with the question of the gov't regulations vis-a-vis within versus outside the country donation).
Anyway, you know I hope for you and I hope (again with the hope thing) that's all right.

At 03 March, 2011 15:46, Blogger Roccie said...

Hi Lut

I saw this and hoped it might give you a laugh.

I hope you think it is funny. I dont know what your parenting style is - mine falls somewhere between these two, but I can agree and laugh at either side.



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