Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Multiple choice

Choose one of the following
- Do another IVF cycle.
- Move on to donor egg.
- Move on to donor embryo.
- Give up on ART.

There is no right answer, and no wrong answer.

That summarizes our latest consult at Bigger Clinic rather neatly.
Again, I put the donor route on the table.

Compared with my talk with my local doc, it's a 'glass half full or
half empty' story.
The dr at Bigger Clinic is inclined towards optimism (the M/C is an
encouraging sign - implantation can happen), where my local doc was
more inclined towards pessimism (the M/C is a sign of an egg quality
Both doctors admitted they can't know which of the two it is for sure.

Emotionally, it's tough. I'm no closer to knowing whether the time has
come to call it quits. How many more times do I have put myself
through this to accept it's a lost cause?

Despair serves a purpose. How would I ever be ready to give up if I
felt exactly as hopeful now as when we first started? Given that we're
re-unexplained, should I go on until our money runs out? Surely not.

I have just about enough meds left to do one more fresh attempt. I'm
pretty sure we'll do that.

After that, who knows. I think I'll be more than ready to think about
setting in motion our alternative plans. Or not.


At 12 April, 2011 22:10, Anonymous It Is What It Is said...

Like you said, there is no right or wrong answer and your answer today may not have been the answer you would have given a year ago and may not be the same answer you'll give after another fresh own egg attempt.

At this point, and generally with all things ART you have to go with your gut (really a combination of your gut and your finances). My best rule of thumb where finances are an issue is do what has the greatest likelihood of bringing home a baby. Success matters.

At 12 April, 2011 22:10, Blogger serenity said...

It's a really rough go of it when your choices are between Suck and More Suck. And so hard to decide because there's no clear path.

The way we approached our decision with this cycle was to look at it this way: have we exhausted all our options? Five years from now, will we look back on this decision and have any remaining regret?

Course, our decision was between walking away and doing one last cycle. Harder when there's two other options in there.

I'm hoping something becomes clear to you soon. And REALLY sorry you're in this place. It totally sucks.


At 13 April, 2011 00:40, Blogger Sara said...

I'm so sorry that you're between this particular rock and hard place. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. I'm even having trouble figuring out what to do in mine, even though I've officially given up on ART with my own eggs. These decisions are hard. All that I can tell you is that I think it's important to keep in mind which you are likely to regret more--trying to hard, or giving up too soon.

Good luck making your decision. Whatever you decide, try not to look back.

At 13 April, 2011 14:42, Blogger Bea said...

Wise words about the purpose of despair. I wish I could circle the right answer for you.


At 14 April, 2011 22:01, Blogger Pam said...

I completely know how you feel. For us, as you know, it came down to finances. If I told V that I was done after our last attempt, he would have been fine. But in my heart of hearts, I needed to try once more to know if possibly the changes were were implementing might be the reason for success. So, since for us, we were always using donor eggs, and financially we could no longer go with a new donor, we're opting for a final FET in the latter part of the year with donor embryos which happen to have been created with donor eggs....hope our hail mary pass is caught in the endzone.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

At 15 April, 2011 05:43, Blogger Cowspanker said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 15 April, 2011 05:44, Blogger Sparkle said...

There's one more option neither clinic has mentioned - more testing?

Have you and especially your DH had every test available? I know there is a huge number of extra tests available to test down to the dna fragmentation in the sperm?

There are also other things to optimise your next cycle (I have heard having great success ie daily ejaculation for a couple of months prior to cycle).

Just a hunch here - because I know your original cycle had nil fertilisation.

Could be wrong, but I wouldn't put another step forward until you knew for sure you had exhausted every test available.

At 19 April, 2011 03:03, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There isn't a right or wrong answer.

If I was going to "answer" your question for you, I would need more info, especially about donor situations. Is it easy for you to obtain an egg donor or a donor embryo where you are? Is one or the other of those options realistic in terms of obtainability and cost?

Giving up on ART isn't right or wrong. If I had to answer the question for me, the answer would be one more cycle with my crappy eggs and then move on to donor eggs/embryos. I think for me in Canada, a donor embryo might be easier to get my uterus on than donor eggs, but that is just speculation on my part. For me, I am not ready to give up on the dream of a second child.

In the case of not knowing if it is a sperm or an egg issue, I think I would have every possible test run on sperm if I did go the donor egg route.

I wish you luck, Lut. I hope you are soon on the other side of this crapshoot, no matter what way you get there.

At 27 April, 2011 01:48, Blogger Roccie said...

Lut. How are you Lut.

I am thinking about you. Hoping you are pulling up a bit.


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