Thursday, June 16, 2011

Free falling

In brief: also known as the 2WW. Beta test on Monday.

I'm free falling. Have been since transfer.

It was all right the first few days. I've been looking up, at the
stars, the patterns in the clouds. The ground is still a long way

I try not to think about it. Hard with the air rushing past, whistling
in my ears. And the ground is getting closer. I should look away, but
I'm transfixed.

Will I bounce back or will I make a grueling smack, like last time,
and so many times before that? A smack, surely.

I panic - grasp for something to hold on to. That weather balloon over
there? A bird? Anything? There's no point.

Prepare for impact.

Now without the woolly language: I've been wishfully thinking that
perhaps, just perhaps I feel something, though now I'm again convinced
it's all down to the meds. I'm not even tired. And that on and off
full feeling? Bladder stuck under ovaries.


At 16 June, 2011 22:18, Blogger serenity said...

I have always hated the 2ww, Lut. ALWAYS. One of the very best things about quitting ART is that I don't have to do them anymore.

I don't really have the words to tell you just how much I really REALLY hope you don't hit the ground this time.

Hoping with everything I've got. And hugs in the meantime.


At 17 June, 2011 00:23, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Thinking of you Lut. Hoping there is no reason for you to hit the ground - but know that we are here to soften the fall if it does happen...

At 17 June, 2011 04:25, Blogger Roccie said...

I think people who worry are silly.


How can I possibly tell you not to worry. I have been talking to myself in the corner for a fucking week.

I hear your struggle and I sure wish there was some way to share the burden.

I am pulling for you as hard as I can from this end.

At 17 June, 2011 18:21, Anonymous It Is What It Is said...

The 2WW was the bane of my ART existence...the worst of the worst for me. The endless "I am!" "No I'm not" loop just about did me in.

Wishing you a solidly positive result on Monday.

At 17 June, 2011 20:23, Blogger Reba said...

hoping for the best for monday!

At 18 June, 2011 20:45, Blogger Anna said...

I am wishing you all the best for Monday...


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