Thursday, June 02, 2011

Read a book, who don't you

In brief: navelgazing, and - ooh - a trigger shot a bit to the left.

On two occasions (one recent, one a few months back) I got the
suggestion to read a book. A self-help book. Both times, the
suggestion was made by someone genuinely concerned with my wellbeing.

Perhaps you should read a book about detachment, one that will help
you put everything in perspective. - I was telling someone how hard I
found it to cope with personal difficulties (a closet version of IF)
on top of stress at work.
The suggestion rubbed me the wrong way, yet I couldn't dismiss it out of hand.

Perhaps you should read a book about detachment, one that will help
you put everything in perspective. - I was talking about the stress
I'm experiencing at work (adjusting to the new manager isn't going
smoothly - for none of us underlings - and I'm a tad overburdened).
The suggestion struck me as entirely reasonable, but ...

But how can learning detachment be sensible for work stress and not so
for IF stress?

Am I nursing my IF pain? Is that why the suggestion to learn
detachment rankles me?
Somehow I feel like I'm being blamed - if only you worked on it harder
you would get over it. The worst of it is - the implied blaming - I'm
sure it's me projecting my own thoughts on others.

And there is a difference of course. IF causes a grief process.
Remember what Momma said: you can't hurry grief, no you just have to
wait ... it's a game of give and take...

A bit reluctantly, I've looked up some titles of self-help books about
detachment at work.
I'm told grieving is a skill as well, perhaps I should look into books
on that too.

Any suggestions?

Meanwhile - I've triggered and am scheduled for retrieval in 36 hours.
Don't ask me for the number or size of follicles - there are some on
both sides, various sizes - I no longer keep track of the details
(see, I'm detached, somewhat). I hope we make it to transfer. A couple
to freeze would be fabulous. Beyond that ... how I could use some
maternity leave! :o)


At 02 June, 2011 12:58, Blogger Heather said...

I agree it might help for work, but on IF, that's definitely the advice of someone that has not battled IF.

Good luck on your retrieval!

At 02 June, 2011 13:34, Anonymous mrs. hope said...

It's a loss - no amount of detachment is going to fix it.

Thinking of you - hoping this is the cycle.

At 02 June, 2011 16:56, Blogger serenity said...

See, for me it's big picture. For me? When we were doing treatments, the Fail spilled over into my work life too and made interactions difficult. I was trying to compensate for what I perceived as me failing at one aspect of my life. Really affected everything.

I don't think you nurse your pain, or wallowing in it. I think it just really hurts, and it's hard to see the end of it when you're in the thick of treatments. (And even when you're at the end of treatments and somewhat struggling to accept that you're done like I am, too.)

Bottom line: just like the grieving process, there's no wrong way to manage your IF. It's just about surviving it.

Hugs. I have my fingers crossed that this cycle goes really well, with the very best outcome.


At 02 June, 2011 18:32, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

I agree with the Supremes "You Can't Hurry Grief" - you'll process this in your own time and I don't know that any book is going to help you. Time heals and I think that's about it.

Hoping that the cycle goes well!!!

At 03 June, 2011 04:45, Anonymous It Is What It Is said...

Wow...looking forward to news of your yield, fert report, etc. Good luck!

At 03 June, 2011 13:32, Blogger Vee said...

I agree with Serenitys bottom line.

Good luck with your retrieval!

At 03 June, 2011 19:50, Blogger Roccie said...

Sigh. I sure do miss me some anti depressants. I hear you.

I am besting you for the retrieval. I am glad your details are blurring into the process. You sound like a Fertile.


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