Sunday, September 04, 2011

Can you picture it?

In brief: the answer is not really, but that's ok. All is well, my
apologies for the unintended hiatus.

A friend asked me a couple of weeks ago whether I can picture it -
having a second child.
My answer then was - uhm, not really. It still is.
I know she wishes I could say 'yes!' wholeheartedly - to her a sign
that I was healing/healed, I suppose.

Personally, I think it doesn't matter much how clearly or how vaguely
I can picture a happy outcome right now. Whichever helps me best
during the wait is best - and for now that is vagueness.

Healing? Can we come back to that later, say six months from now?
Sure, every week that goes by now is a step in the right direction,
but it still feels very precarious to me.

Thinking back, way back to before we even started TTC, I never had a
very detailed picture of 'my family' in mind. I knew I wanted kids -
plural - but that was about it.
Boy or girl? Uhm ... Ideal age gap? No such thing. A list of favourite
names? Only one.

My dream was (and still is) to be a parent, watch my children grow up
and thrive as independent adults. Very common as aspirations go, but
still asking a lot from life.

My feminine intuition is silent on the gender of this baby. I don't
have a gender preference, I honestly can't detect one. Finding a boy
name we like is more of a challenge then a girl's name (just
slightly), but that's not the same as having a preference.
Perhaps that makes me the odd on out, but I'm not bothered.

Meanwhile, we've met another 'new' ob/gyn, and we think we'll stick
with this one.
He attempted to get a glimpse of this baby's privates, at our request,
but not a chance. Legs were firmly crossed - privates means just that!
So like big sis, we couldn't help but laugh.
The relief that the baby was alive and kicking made me a bit giddy
(picture the poor man attempting an abdominal u/s on a chuckling


At 05 September, 2011 05:18, Blogger Sara said...

It's great to hear that the baby is doing well, whatever flavor of bits he or she may have. Good for the little one for making you laugh already.

At 05 September, 2011 06:27, Anonymous It Is What It Is said...

So nice to hear from you and that all is far along now?

At 06 September, 2011 15:58, Blogger Bea said...

An ob/gyn to stick with sounds good.

As for picturing your life with another - can anyone really? Although I take your point that some try very, very hard, and you don't feel "called to", exactly.

The main thing is you're feeling ok. Guess you'll be scratching around for two sets of names.


At 16 September, 2011 20:19, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Just happy to hear you are doing OK and baby is too. The mental adjustment may come more gradually than you'd wish, but it will come.


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