An update in between appointments
First off, a 'targeted' ad I didn't expect to see:
"Company X: swaddles, baskets and children's coffins - specialized
funeral services".
Uhm, targeted, seriously? I was browsing a site with second hand
items, checking out bikes, clothes, ... items generally associated
with alive and kicking children.
Secondly - what is going through their minds? Parents will stumble
upon their ad and save the link for future reference?
I know there's a need for such services. My heart goes out to parents
who need to make use of them. My worst nightmare ...
Let's just say I could have done without the reminder. Especially as
the DBT had just quieted down a bit.
Venting done.
All of last week, I was wondering whether I might be feeling some
movement in there.
Since 2 days I'm sure I feel a gentle prod now and then. Delightful!
I've been smiling at my desk, on my way to work, in bed.
(I do need to remind myself that it's ok that I don't feel anything
for long stretches. It doesn't mean anything is wrong, not at this
point anyway.)
I still find myself reluctant to talk about my PG, especially to
people who don't know the story of how we got here. I feel compelled
to add 'if all goes well, we'll see' to any conversation, and I know
from experience that makes people uncomfortable.
I was chatting with a couple of moms I know from Linnea's school
recently, and they somehow got talking about the births of their
child(en) - a perfect intro - still I couldn't bring myself to tell
them. At some point, the news should announce itself ... if all goes
well.
A sign of post-traumatic stress I think to myself. Not adding
'disorder' mind you, I think what I'm feeling is quite normal and 'in
order', if slightly discomforting. I'll take it any day over the tough
times of IF treatments.
Next appointment in 2 weeks.
posted by Lut C. @ 23:01
6 Comments:
You're right, it is not a "disorder" - just a perfectly normal reaction to what you've been through.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and feeling the baby move. Smiling along with you - very exciting!
This is all wonderful news Lut.
I didn't tell parents at my sons school until they figured it out for themselves - I was somewhere around 30 weeks and even my parents didn't know until around 29weeks.
I was so grateful that it was a very cool spring and I could keep my jacket on.
Whatever works.
DinoD
Congrats on continued great progress.
My therapist would call how you are feeling 'self protective' and quite deserved.
I agree. Your thinking isn't disordered, it's a rational response to an absurd set of stressors. I'm so glad to hear that all is well, anyway.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that things are going well and that you're feeling a bit of movement. I could so relate to your reluctance to talk about your pregnancy. I found myself doing the same thing with my last pg, even though that one was achieved more easily than my first, I just didn't want to bring it up or talk about it. I think post-traumatic stress is right.
Definitely normal, at least if you use me as a yardstick for "normal" which... well. That's a whole 'nuther debate :)
Good to hear your good news continuing, though.
Not sure how many parents with recently-dead babies are browsing those sites. I mean yes, *maybe*, just maybe, they unfortunately have baby gear to sell, but, before the funeral?
Bea
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