Wednesday, September 21, 2011

An update in between appointments

In brief: 17.5 weeks and doing well!

First off, a 'targeted' ad I didn't expect to see:
"Company X: swaddles, baskets and children's coffins - specialized
funeral services".

Uhm, targeted, seriously? I was browsing a site with second hand
items, checking out bikes, clothes, ... items generally associated
with alive and kicking children.

Secondly - what is going through their minds? Parents will stumble
upon their ad and save the link for future reference?
I know there's a need for such services. My heart goes out to parents
who need to make use of them. My worst nightmare ...

Let's just say I could have done without the reminder. Especially as
the DBT had just quieted down a bit.

Venting done.

All of last week, I was wondering whether I might be feeling some
movement in there.
Since 2 days I'm sure I feel a gentle prod now and then. Delightful!
I've been smiling at my desk, on my way to work, in bed.
(I do need to remind myself that it's ok that I don't feel anything
for long stretches. It doesn't mean anything is wrong, not at this
point anyway.)

I still find myself reluctant to talk about my PG, especially to
people who don't know the story of how we got here. I feel compelled
to add 'if all goes well, we'll see' to any conversation, and I know
from experience that makes people uncomfortable.
I was chatting with a couple of moms I know from Linnea's school
recently, and they somehow got talking about the births of their
child(en) - a perfect intro - still I couldn't bring myself to tell
them. At some point, the news should announce itself ... if all goes

A sign of post-traumatic stress I think to myself. Not adding
'disorder' mind you, I think what I'm feeling is quite normal and 'in
order', if slightly discomforting. I'll take it any day over the tough
times of IF treatments.

Next appointment in 2 weeks.


At 21 September, 2011 23:15, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

You're right, it is not a "disorder" - just a perfectly normal reaction to what you've been through.

I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and feeling the baby move. Smiling along with you - very exciting!

At 22 September, 2011 00:29, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is all wonderful news Lut.
I didn't tell parents at my sons school until they figured it out for themselves - I was somewhere around 30 weeks and even my parents didn't know until around 29weeks.
I was so grateful that it was a very cool spring and I could keep my jacket on.
Whatever works.

At 22 September, 2011 05:36, Anonymous It Is What It Is said...

Congrats on continued great progress.

My therapist would call how you are feeling 'self protective' and quite deserved.

At 22 September, 2011 15:41, Blogger Sara said...

I agree. Your thinking isn't disordered, it's a rational response to an absurd set of stressors. I'm so glad to hear that all is well, anyway.

At 26 September, 2011 02:16, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that things are going well and that you're feeling a bit of movement. I could so relate to your reluctance to talk about your pregnancy. I found myself doing the same thing with my last pg, even though that one was achieved more easily than my first, I just didn't want to bring it up or talk about it. I think post-traumatic stress is right.

At 26 September, 2011 14:33, Blogger Bea said...

Definitely normal, at least if you use me as a yardstick for "normal" which... well. That's a whole 'nuther debate :)

Good to hear your good news continuing, though.

Not sure how many parents with recently-dead babies are browsing those sites. I mean yes, *maybe*, just maybe, they unfortunately have baby gear to sell, but, before the funeral?



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