She's here!

Another quick post - after the jump - a shameful 10 days afterwards actually.
Getting any time behind the computer has been difficult - a 'problem'
I'm quite enjoying.

To my continuing amazement our little girl Niobe was born safe and sound.
I adore her, DH adores her and Linnea is so proud to be a big sister.

I spend my days snuggling with Niobe, nursing her and pumping. With
some variations, my BF experience pretty much the same as it was with
Linnea.
http://lutcass.blogspot.com/2007/12/breastfeeding-story-of-letdown.html
Oh well.

A year ago we no longer believed we'd ever see this day. I can't
express the range of emotions right now.

Time's up ...

Soon ... very soon

Just a quick post.
I've only recently quit working ... not being ordered to stay home is
good but has its disadvantages. Preparing for the baby has now become
a last minute rush job.

Part of me would prefer not to prepare at all. It feels like counting
my chicken before it has hatched.
What I wrote before Linnea was born, is pretty much still how I feel.
http://lutcass.blogspot.com/2007/10/on-eve.html

I expect that I won't have internet access in the hospital. So, I'll
see you after the jump.

Like a bee

In brief: 2012 is going to be busy, busy ... but in a good way (I hope).

O dear, 15 Jan already. Royally late for a Happy New Years post.
Still, I do wish you all a very happy 2012.

I'm now (... fetches calendar to look it up ...) 34 weeks PG. I'm
counting down the days till I can quit working, mostly because I have
so many other things going on.

People tell me I'm really showing now (and they're always surprised at
how soon the due date turns out to be). In other words, she's going to
be a small baby.

As far as I can tell, the baby is still lying in breech, which is fine
by me. Alive and well is what I care about. Right now that means
relief at feeling kicks ... in a few weeks it will probably mean I
regularly check she's still breathing.

We're still looking for a name. The baby stuff is still in storage,
but my mom volunteered to take care of it. The traditional birth
announcement cards haven't been prepared.

The thing is, we've bought a new house. We won't actually move there
any time soon, but it's already proving to be quite a project. The new
place needs some renovations, our current place needs to be prepared
for being put on the market ... and I reckon I will be out of it for a
good 6 weeks after delivery. Right now, it's a good distraction.

I can guarantee that I won't turn into a home remodeling blogger ...
blogging has already proved to be the first victim. I wanted to read
the crème de la crème list, but it isn't happening. Then I wanted to
read my feeds, but that isn't happening either. I'm feeling a bit
guilty about that.

So, busy, but a good kind of busy.

Heads or tails

In brief: all is well, midwife appointment was informative, ob/gyn
appointment went very well. Am so busy with house-related projects,
will have to catch up on blogs later...

Last week I had an appointment with the midwife and then only days
later with my ob/gyn.
Both went very well.

The midwife gave me the time and space to talk about my fears of
delivery going wrong. She explained how things usually go down in the
maternity ward (sounds like they like to let nature do its thing -
under monitored conditions).
In the upcoming appointments, I can expect lots of information about
the process of childbirth, and what I can expect from the midwife
during labour and delivery.

I felt better after that appointment, able to cope (for the next 24h at least).

Anxiety was back to normal by the time I had my ob/gyn appointment.
The midwife had encouraged me to talk to my doctor about my fears - so
I did. And I'm very glad I did.

What a world of difference with our previous ob/gyn! This doctor
listened to me, he got the point and he reassured me. I don't have to
do a VBAC if I really feel I can't handle it.
A VBAC (at the hospital) is safe, so the statistics say and so his
experience confirms, but he can understand where I'm coming from.

So after quite a palaver, he did an U/S and ... we saw a baby in
breech position.
I had to smile. All that worry for nothing.

She can still turn, he said, but that's what they said about Linnea too.
We'll see.

To sum up, now I prepare for delivery doubly as if - as if this baby
will decide to turn and as if I'll attempt a VBAC.
Or, more realistically, I move the expected due date up (at least) one
week in my head.

Preparing well in advance: part II

In brief: all is well, appointment with midwife was postponed (now
scheduled for this week), this post is also about childbirth and
continues the last one.

Thanks all of you for your input! I wanted to respond to each of you
individually, but after several false starts, I give up. To start,
replying to noreply-comment@blogger.com is pointless.

My appointment with the midwife was postponed until next week ...

I am indeed preparing myself 'as if' a VBAC is a sure thing, to be
precise a VBAC in hospital accompanied by a midwife and in the final
stage an ob/gyn.

I'm not ruling out an epidural, but would want to try without (because
it can negatively affect BF, which I want to have a stab at again).

Not giving birth naturally to Linnea didn't cause me to grieve missing
that experience. Safe and sound to the other side was what counted. It
still is.
If it turns out to be another c-section, I still don't expect to feel
grief over missing out.

@Tragicoptimist: I've shied away from doing research on the risks of
VBAV versus c-section on the net - so hearing what your ob/gyn had to
say is interesting. I'll ask mine what he thinks.

@ Anon & Hopeful Mother: labouring first, then undergoing a C-section
is pretty tough, a friend of mine went through that. She doesn't
recommend it.

@ Esperanza: unfounded in fact is probably right. Emotionally real
though, but will I be able to explain that to my ob/gyn?

@ It is what it is: to me personally, delivery is a means to an end.
I'm weighing up pro's and cons.
I suppose where women are routinely pushed (cornered?) into having
C-sections, a 'natural birth movement' is bound to spring up.

@ Rachel: a birthing suite sounds great! They don't give tours of the
maternity ward any more at my hospital, in order not to disturb the
labouring women. Fair enough. But I'll have to ask the midwife whether
they have a tub.

@Anna: 1 in 100 doesn't sound so rare to me, but I suppose this
statistic is for complications occurring witn a VBAC ... not fatal
outcome.
I must say, being a medical illustrator must be a tough job at times.
I think it would trigger my hypochondriac tendencies...
I appreciate the jaundice warning (I have never heard of kernicterus).
I won't be going home straight after birth and I do remember the
midwives checking for jaundice repeatedly last time.

@Sara: 27 hours?! Where do I sign for the C-section ;-)

@Jjiraffe: I hear you on the "'natural' childbirth has been getting
this right for thousands of years". The mortality rate amongst mothers
and babies in poor and developing nations is sky-high.

@Statia: I'll admit that I had to look up what vestibulitis is. Sounds
absolutely awful! If understand correctly, you surgery worked - thank
goodness.

Did I miss anyone? I hope not!

Preparing well in advance

In brief: This is a post about pregnancy, or rather childbirth, and
the shadow cast over it by IF baggage. I could use some input (if
you're comfortable giving it).

But first - I'm 27 weeks now and all is going well. Another 3 weeks to
go before my next appointment with the ob/gyn.

A while back, I was talking to a friend of mine, about parenting,
pregnancy and childbirth. Our conversation made me realize something I
had been trying not to think about.

Childbirth. I'm terrified of it.

It's not so much the pain (which I'm sure is awful), but is
essentially temporary. I'm terrified something might go horribly
wrong.

Let me rewind a bit. You may - or may not - remember that Linnea was
born by planned C-section. No way was I attempting a breech delivery.
Secretly, I was relieved at getting a C-section. Emotionally, it felt
like the least risky method of giving birth. Natural delivery seems so
... unpredictable.

So why don't I just get another planned C-section?
My doc informed me that a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) is more
or less the standard course of action. (I gather this is not so in the
U.S. and Canada?)

Perhaps I could switch ob/gyn again, because some doctors agree with a
C-section after a C-section more easily. But I don't see it as my best
and first move.
A VBAC has its charms. I wouldn't have to recover from abdominal
surgery. Perhaps, just perhaps, it might jolt my body into making
some milk this time (if I can do without the epidural, so I'm told).

Which brings me back to my terror of (natural) childbirth.

The word 'natural' in connection with anything to do with
'reproduction' puts me ill at ease. Nature hasn't been all that
cooperative, though admittedly the pregnancy phase has gone smoothly
so far.

Another sign of post-traumatic stress, I think, and not so surprising
either. Or am I clinging to my IF history unnecessarily?

I've made an appointment with a midwife to talk about my fears, and to
ask her how I might deal with it.
Lots of information is what I need, no? What to expect. Who will be
there, what will they do. Will I be allowed to walk around or stuck on
the bed ... What will they monitor? How fast can they get me into an
operating theater if needed?

If it does go wrong, will I ever forgive myself for not having
insisted on a c-section?

Any suggestions on how to face my fears?

Persistence Luck Joy - happy 4th birthday

Linnea celebrated her 4th birthday today!
She has been longing for this day for months - hoping to be taller,
wiser, more skilled, ... all in one go.

I'm amazed that another year has rolled past. We've managed to keep
her safe and happy (mostly) and thanking our lucky stars for it.

This weekend, we took Linnea to a Sesame Street show (live on stage).
She was spellbound from start to finish.
Watching her enjoying the show so much was wonderful. At one point, my
emotions got the better of me, tears welled up (surreal, with Ernie
and Bert doing a happy song on stage).
This is what we fought so long for, and this is what we came close to
missing out on.

Persistence Luck Joy.

We haven't started discussing names yet - but if it weren't so very
unsuitable - this would be perfect.